


Dreams are not theirs to take

by EstelUndomiel (capn_cecil_ang)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, M/M, My First Destiel Fanfic, destiel au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 21:12:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1956306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capn_cecil_ang/pseuds/EstelUndomiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is struggling musician who is suffering from tendinitis a month before big guitar contest he is supposed to attend. Dean is trying to help him overcome his fears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This was my very first fanfiction ever created (created a year ago or so). It is basically very cute and fluffy and nothing hurts (well, except Cas' hand). Also it's not betad so there might be (and probably will be) mistakes and typos.
> 
> All rights reserved to creators of Supernatural, screen-writters of the great quotes from Sanctuary (I always wanted to use the "women and geeks" quote somewhere), J.R.R. Tolkien (yes, even the name of the dog wasn't my idea) and also to Myles Kennedy from Alter Bridge, from whom I have borrowed the title plus the idea of the plot.  
> I own nothing but my weird ideas and associations.

 

Castiel was pacing nervously around the room, the pain in the arm still ongoing, while he was waiting for his results. He didn’t want to admit the reality. He still hoped there was some mistake or that maybe, just maybe they mixed the results. But the sharp pain in the arm reminded him he should embrace the reality. But why now? Why at this moment? It could have happened to him anytime. Any other God damn time but now.

Doctor Henricksen entered the room quietly. Castiel glanced at him nervously, still pacing around.

“So, what does it say?” he asked. Henricksen glanced on the papers in his hands one last time as if he wanted to reassure himself of what is he going to say.

 “Mr. Collins,” he started unsurely, “the results just confirmed what I thought of your condition. You are suffering from mild case of tendinitis. It isn’t serious problem. You should get better for about a month.”

“But?” Castiel asked, first time stopping in his tracks and looked the doctor right in the eyes. 

“But you mustn’t play during this month of recovery. If you will, it would eventually get worse and ...”

The rest of words seemed like coming from very far distance to Castiel. He saw doctor clearly, he saw him moving his lips and producing words but he couldn’t pay attention to what he was saying anymore. His possible career, his dreams, his whole life was in vain. Just like that. But why the hell now?!

*****

Castiel was sitting on the edge of the cliff, cold breeze was playing with his ruffled hair and the small drops of water from the ocean were hitting him in the face from time to time. But he didn’t pay attention to any of it. He was sitting there and over-thinking his situation again and again. He loved to play guitar. He remembered well when he picked up his first real guitar when he was 15. After countless weird jobs he had to do just to save enough money to buy his first guitar. And when he did, his parents haven’t seen him for months. He used to lock himself in his room and playing over his favourites songs all day long or just doodling around to the silence of their street. After his mother died in car accident and his father left him and his brother Gabriel all alone he started to spend even more time with his guitar, the only constant in his life. He had to drop out of the musical school, because it was too expensive and the two brothers on their own couldn’t afford it anymore. He applied for any third-rate job just so he and Gabriel could keep the house and have a roof to sleep under and to be able to pay taxes. Gabriel was occasional commercial actor, mostly known for Pepsi commercials, but it wasn’t the best job in the world either. And again, the only thing which kept Castiel going was his love to music and his love to his guitar.

He started to take jobs in studios and he also offered few guitar classes just to keep him in business and practise, but it wasn’t enough. He grew sick of playing someone other songs always repeating the same three chords in the studios for highly commercial singles of “Twilight popular” so called singers or playing on the records he didn’t get credits for. He knew he could make difference. He had plenty of music wrote down in the drawers in his home, but he was always afraid to go public with it, to open up for people, to make them decide if they like it or not. And now, now was too late. He knew he practised a lot, sometimes maybe even more than it was necessary. He often practised like six or seven hours straight forgetting to eat, drink or even rest. He often practised until his fingers were bleeding and hurting and he couldn’t play anymore. But he loved every second of it. He couldn’t let his guitar out of his hands. He never even dreamed of fucking it up so bad he could get tendinitis. He wouldn’t mind getting it any other time. But now, about a month there was this great guitar competition he was about to attend. He already made it to the finals and this was the last round. The last opportunity to let himself known to other people, to let himself get attention not just from common people but also from record managers.

Music business was harsh. You could have talent, lots of it. But it was never enough. You needed to have also contacts. Some things just didn’t change through the centuries. And Castiel surely had the talent. But he was like a grey mouse in the corner, too afraid to come to the light so the big cat wouldn’t snap it and kill it. Yeah, the music business was harsh. The winner of this competition will be given the rights to record at least one album with the biggest musical company of their city. But Castiel now know he will not be that winner. How could he, when he wasn’t able to practise for a whole month. He was going to crash and burn in that competition.

*****

        “Dude! You ok?” a gruff voice sounded behind him. 

Castiel didn’t even bother to turn around and just responded: “I don’t think my mental state is any of your concern .... dude.”

“Wow. Touchy one. Ok than. I’ll leave you alone to your, whatever you’re doing. Was just wondering if you don’t need and umbrella or something since it’s damn Apocalypse in here but it seems you’re pretty content with your drenched outfit. Maybe you’ll start the new fashion, man. Good luck with it!” man said sarcastically and turned to go away from Castiel.

It was then when Castiel realised it was raining, pretty damn hard actually and probably for a while already. He was totally soaked and the drops of water were dripping from his face and hair. Castiel stood up and before he could think about it he shouted on the other man: “Wait.” Man turned around to face Castiel and Castiel saw he was probably his age, maybe a bit younger with slightly tanned skin and emerald eyes. 

“I, ehm. I’m sorry,” Castiel tried to stammer something meaningful. 

“I’d appreciate your help. If you ... are ... still willing to help me,” he said with gaze on the ground water dripping all over him. 

The guy looked him over and asked: “So, you have a car here or something?” 

“No, I ... I walked here, I guess. I don’t know.” Castiel responded with gaze still locked on the ground. 

The mysterious guy raised an eyebrow. “You don’t know?” he asked suspiciously. 

“Well I’ve,” Castiel started, “I’ve kind of did. I wasn’t really paying attention where I’m going. I just went.” 

The other man looked at him a bit worried: “You sure you’re alright?” 

“Yes. I’m totally fine,” Castiel responded promptly, trying to smile a bit to assure the other man he meant it but the smile seemed more like a broken sad grin. 

“Ok, women and geeks first. Oh no wait! That’s all of us!” the man said jokingly and turned to get to his car. 

When the guy realised Castiel isn’t following him he turned once more and saw Castiel tilting his head to a side a bit and furrowing his eyebrows like he was trying to comprehend something very important. 

“You comin’ or what, dude?” The guy said. 

Castiel looked at him and responded: “I don’t think neither of us is woman. And I don’t feel like a “geek”, as you said.” 

The guy looked at him with a genuine surprise on the face and then made a big amused grin. “Not a big fan of TV shows, are we?” 

He came back to Castiel, grabbed him by a shoulder and dragged him out of the rain to the car. “Come. You’ll get sick in this God forsaken weather.”

Not long and they were sitting in the warm and dry interior of the other man’s car. Suddenly an eager sniffing came from behind of Castiel’s shoulder and a wet nose appeared next to his ear. Castiel startled a little and looked on the other guy, who was fully immersed in the box with cassettes apparently trying to pick one for the road. 

“You have a dog in your car.” Castiel stated plainly. 

“Well hello Captain Obvious,” man laughed with a genuine amusement.

Dog barked once at the sound of his master and licked his hand. Man petted him and then turned back to cassettes. 

“His name is Strider,” he said still digging around in the box. 

“We’ve been here on the walk when the rain caught us. We were about to leave when I saw this pile of misery named you. What have you been doing there anyway, man?” 

“Just ... thinking.” Castiel said slowly looking on the drops of rain hitting the front window hard. 

“Geez. You sure are a chatty Katy.” The guy smirked and finally put one of the cassettes into the player. Castiel gave him his address and they started to drive disturbed only by the Paul Rodgers’ singing and soft snoring of the Strider in the back seat.

*****

“You didn’t walk all the way from here to that cliff, right, dude? It’s freaking far.”  Castiel was suddenly pulled out from his thoughts by the sound of the man’s voice. 

“No,” he said simply. 

“Do you want to elaborate?” man asked with lifting an eyebrow. 

“I didn’t go there from home. I was at the hospital before.” 

Man in the driver’s seat knitted his eyebrows and bit his lip thinking if he should ask Castiel about it further or just let it go. He didn’t actually know why he was so eager to help this guy, nor why he was so worried about him. He only knew he wanted to help him as much as he can. 

“Ya know. It usually helps when people talk about their problems with someone, dude,” he said finally. 

Castiel seemed to be thinking hard about his answer and it took him a lot of time since he responded, but when he did, he just said: “My name’s not a Dude. I don’t understand why are you keep calling me like that.” 

“Well, to be fair, you didn’t tell me your name yet,” man said with a little smirk and let his sight slid from the road to Castiel for a while. 

Castiel narrowed his eyes and said quietly: “You’re right. I’m sorry. That was rude. I’m ... I’m Castiel.” 

“Casti-what? What kind of name is that?” man asked definitely surprised. 

Castel shifted a bit on his seat and said even more quiet: “Castiel. It’s the name of an angel. The angel of Thursday.” 

The man behind the wheel looked at him for a split of second and smiled. “That’s a nice name, you have there, Cas.” 

“Castiel,” he corrected him almost inaudibly. 

“So. You’re parents are some kind of faith geeks?” the man asked. 

“You would say, yes. They were.” Castiel responded. Man in the driver’s seat shifted a little and glanced at the Castiel. 

“I’m sorry, Cas. I didn’t know.” 

“That’s alright,” Castiel said immediately. “You couldn’t know. But, what happened, happened. You can’t change the past.” 

“So, whatcha doing for a living, Cas?” Man asked in attempted to change the uncomfortable topic. 

“I’m a musician. A guitarist, actually.” 

“No way. That’s awesome, man. You’re some kind of rockstar?” he asked with unfaked interest. 

“Well, not quite.” Castiel said with a small but sad smile.

*****

Car stopped at the front of the small house with blue panels. 

“Cas?” the man asked unsurely. 

“Yes?” Castiel responded. 

“Well, I will totally understand when you’ll say no, but, ya know, it would mean a world to me if you agree,” he said with a bit of blush, locking his gaze on the handbrake. “Well, there’s the thing. I have this old guitar after my dad. He used to teach me play when I was younger, but since he passed away I kind of couldn’t, ya know, play it anymore. I would very much like to learn how to play more than just three chords, in honour of his memory. But well, I kind of suck in the self-teaching. So I was wondering, since you are doing this professionally. Would you maybe possibly mind, ya know, to teach me?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Castiel said promptly without thinking about it, seeing a small but sad smile appearing on the other man’s face. Suddenly Castiel felt really miserable seeing the other man like that. He placed a hand on the man’s shoulder and waited until he looked at him. 

“But ... we can try it,” he said softly. Other man’s face turned into big happy smile. And Castiel felt a bit better for a split of a moment. 

“Come here tomorrow afternoon with your guitar and we’ll see what we can do.” 

“Thanks, dude. I mean, Cas,” the man said still with that happy grin on his face. 

Castiel just nodded and got out of the car. As he was walking the pavement towards his front door he heard the shout from behind himself. 

“Hey, Cas.” Castiel turned to see the happy man sitting in his car, leaning of the window. 

“It’s Dean, by the way.” 

Castiel nodded and said: “Goodbye, Dean.”


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is struggling musician who is suffering from tendinitis a month before big guitar contest he is supposed to attend. Dean is trying to help him overcome his fears.

  

Dean was standing in front of Cas’ front door stepping nervously from one foot to another. He didn’t know why, but he felt quite unsure about this whole thing. Sure he wanted to learn the guitar and from what he knew about Cas, he could say he was quite cool guy, but Dean felt also something intimidating about him. ‘Maybe it’s because of those eyes,’ he thought. Castiel’s eyes were unbelievably blue and Dean found it hard to stare into them for a longer period of time without trailing off and didn’t really pay attention to what Castiel was saying. So no one could actually blame him when he suddenly wasn’t so certain he wanted to spend this afternoon in the close presence of Cas. As he was battling in his mind with options of ringing or running away, door suddenly flew open and there stood ... a small guy with cheesy grin on his face ... clothed in white shirt and pants ... and what was definitely the strangest thing ... with artificial fluffy wings on his back and glowing plastic halo. Dean stared at him wide eyed, didn’t know what to say when he was kicked back to the reality by the smaller man in front of him. 

“Hey there sugar. Were you going to stepping here all day or were you planning to ring eventually?” 

“Ehm, I’m sorry?” Dean was trying to figure out what was going on but he was totally thrown out of balance. 

“I ... I guess I’m on the wrong address.” Dean said prepared to turn away when the smaller man laughed single-heartedly and patted him on the shoulder. 

“Oh I think you’re quite right. You’re Dean, aren’t you? The good samaritan who drove my little bro back home yesterday.” 

“You, you are Cas’ brother?” Dean asked still quite shocked by the man standing in front of him. 

“Sure thing. Who did you expect? Kevin Costner?” 

“Well, definitely not “an angel”.” Dean said pointing on his costume in disbelief. 

“So I have wings, like Kotex. Deal with it, bro.” man said patting him on the shoulder once again and walking past him. 

“Castiel is in the living room. Have a good time boys and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Well, actually, that’s not the best advice. Just, behave yourself, right? And hey, be nice to my lil bro, or else, well, I believe you know the rest. Name’s Gabriel if you’ll stick long enough to remember it.” Gabriel said walking down the pavement to his (on Dean’s surprise) bicycle.   
  
Dean was watching him in disbelief. A grown man dressed all in white with fluffy wings and plastic halo on the bicycle cycling down the street. And he could swear he saw him licking lollipop along the way. 

He was awoken from his disbelieved stare by another voice, now the huskier one. “Hello, Dean.” He jumped from the sudden sound behind him and turned to face Castiel. 

“Dude. You can’t sneak behind people like that. I could have a heart attack or something.” 

“My apologies,” Castiel said seemed a bit embarrassed. “I see you met Gabriel already. I’m sorry for that too. Please, come in.” 

Dean followed Castiel into the house and to the living room. He noticed house was poorly decorated, only the basic furniture was presented and still it wasn’t anything fancy. The house was small from outside but seemed even smaller from inside, almost a bit claustrophobic. Dean was wondering how could those two live in here, the place didn’t look very warm or cosy at all. 

“May you show me your guitar?” Castiel asked when they reached the living room. Dean realised he was trailing off again a bit and glanced at Castiel who was watching him with intense stare. 

“Sorry, did you say?” 

“I was asking, if you can show me your guitar?” Castiel repeated calmly. 

“Oh sure, yeah. Here ya go.” he said handing him his bag. 

Castiel opened the cover and took out old light guitar and examined her very carefully. Dean was watching him silently with pure interest. After few moments of complete silence Castiel looked back on Dean and said: “It’s a good guitar. It’s old, but it’s in good condition. She will serve you well.” Dean smiled a little bit content with what he’s just heard. 

“I don’t suppose you were tuning her up.” Castiel said half-questioning. 

“Well, I tried a little, but failed miserably.” Dean answered frankly, blushing a bit. 

“That’s ok. I will tune her up now and then later I will show you how to do it by yourself.”

As Castiel said this he started to turning the tuning posts and plucking the strings to reach the desired sound. Dean was again watching him with affection, looking on his long slender fingers moving up and down the neck of the guitar. Castiel was done quite fast with tuning but he didn’t hand the guitar over to Dean right away. He seemed to be thinking about something for a split of second and then he started to trail the neck of guitar again, now pressing the exact notes with remarkable expertise. He created a beautiful sound of different notes when suddenly he hissed in pain and stopped. He quickly set guitar on the ground and stood up, facing away from Dean massaging his left forearm. Dean didn’t hesitate a split of a second and was next to Castiel looking him over worriedly. 

“You ok, Cas?” he asked as he grabbed Cas’ shoulder to ensure he was alright. Castiel flinched a little by the sudden touch of another man and looked over to see Dean’s worried sight locked at him. 

“Yes. I’m totally fine.” 

“No you’re not.” Dean insisted. “Stop bullshitting me, Cas. There is something severely wrong with you and when you’ll be suppressing it inside you, it will be only worse. You can tell me. I want to help you.” 

Castiel looked at his sick hand. The pain was fading away slowly. He then looked back at Dean who was scrutinizing him carefully, look of worry and despair. Castiel wanted to just lean into those strong arms holding him by the shoulders and let everything out of his system, but then he rejected this thought, diverted his gaze from Dean’s and said almost inaudible: “I’m fine, really. Shall we start our lesson?” 

Dean sighed loudly and threw his hands in defeated gesture. “As you wish.” 

Castiel looked at his hand one last time and then back at Dean who was sitting on the couch again. Castiel grabbed the guitar and handed it to Dean sitting against him. He explained him how to call certain parts of guitar and tell him something about string physics. Dean was listening to him eagerly almost completely forgetting about the little incident from earlier. 

*****

After about an hour Castiel decided it was enough for today and offered Dean a coffee. They were sitting in the kitchen waiting for the water to heat up.

“So, how much do I owe you, Cas?” 

“Nothing, really.” Castiel said purring hot water into the cups. “Just ... consider it as a thank you for your help yesterday. Since I didn’t do it properly anyway.” 

“Well ok then. But I don’t know, man. It’s just, you’ll be wasting your time with me and it seems rude to me not to give you anything in return.” 

“Making music is never waste of time. Waste of time is the day without making it.” 

“It must be hard for you not be able to play.” Dean didn’t want to push Castiel in telling him his problems, but he just couldn’t let it go. 

Castiel shifted a bit on his seat, staring down to his coffee rather than at Dean. Dean thought that if Castiel could make holes in his cup with his gaze, it would be like strainer by now. He smiled a bit on the thought but didn’t look away from Cas. 

After a while of silence Dean was sure Castiel will not talk about it and was about to change the subject when Castiel finally said, not looking away from the cup. “It’s not of import. It’s just mild case of tendinitis. I just need to rest my hand for a while, massage it with this ointment doctor gave me and it should be good as new about a month.” 

“Still, you seem pretty jolted by that. It must be really hard for you, to give up the music for a month.” 

Castiel finally looked at Dean. His eyes were full of understanding and sympathy and Castiel thought, even only for a while, like he could tell him everything and Dean would understand. 

Castiel was about to say something, when Gabriel walked in the kitchen still in his “angelic” costume with big grin on his face. 

“Hey morons. Watcha doing?” he said while he made his way towards the fridge and stuck his nose inside to examine its content. “Damn, I knew I should buy ice-cream. We’re totally out.” he sighted loudly. 

“Gabriel.” Castiel exclaim as he was threw from his line of thoughts. “You’re back early.” 

“Yeah well. The shooting was cancelled cause the other guy called in sick. Must be Tuesday. Tuesdays are always bad.” Gabriel stated still exploring the fridge.

“Why? I hope you didn’t do anything inappropriate, did you?” He said pulling head out of fridge winking at Dean. Dean almost choked with the swig of coffee he just took. He started coughing and his face turned scarlet red, though he wasn’t sure it was from coughing or embarrassment. Castiel just glared at Gabriel with slightly red cheeks too. 

“What were you shooting anyway?” Dean asked when he gained his breath again and stopped coughing. “Some sort of pervert angelic porn?” 

“I’m sure you would be the biggest fan of it if I would,” Gabriel said pulling a can of Pepsi from the fridge smirking at Dean. 

“But I must disappoint you, Deano. It would have been the commercial on toilet paper.” 

As he opened the can and drink from it Dean’s eyes widened. “Wait a minute. I know you. You’re the guy from Pepsi commercials, right?” 

Gabriel made his trademark smirk and leaned his head back in amusement. “Guilty! And how did you do on your first guitar lesson, lover boy?” Dean’s ears turned slightly red at the name Gabriel gave him as he glimpsed at Castiel. 

“Well, it’s not for me to say, I guess.” 

“Dean is very good student,” Castiel said staring back into his cup which was almost empty now. “He is very flexible and eager to learn new things. I believe I will be able to teach him something useful during our sessions.” 

“So you’ll stick around then.” Gabriel nodded sipping from his Pepsi. “Good. Maybe you’ll be the one to crack this little stubborn son of a bitch and get him realised everything is not that black as he may see it.” 

“Gabriel!” Castiel squashed him and pinned him down to the counter with his intense stare. Gabriel returned his gaze showing who was older in the family and Castiel went back to staring into his now empty cup. 

“Well, I guess I’ll go.” Dean said standing up from his chair. 

“I need to go for a walk with Strider, anyway. So, see you soon, Cas?” 

“Sure,” Castiel said averting his gaze from the cup and looking at Dean. “Come tomorrow around the same time and we may continue. And try to remember what I was telling you today.” 

“Sure thing, Cas. Looking forward to our next lesson,” he said smiling sheepishly at Castiel. Castiel smiled a bit too and nodded. He walked Dean out of the house and then returned back to the kitchen. 

“I think he likes you,” Gabriel said with his head in the fridge again. Castiel sat down to the table a stared at the chair where before a while Dean sat, didn’t saying anything.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is struggling musician who is suffering from tendinitis a month before big guitar contest he is supposed to attend. Dean is trying to help him overcome his fears.

 “Ah! It’s a bitch to play!” Dean exclaimed as he was trying to push the right notes on the guitar.

He and Castiel have been meeting daily for almost a week already and they really enjoyed time spent together. Dean was fast learner and he took grip of the basics almost in no time. Castiel was also very patient and precise teacher and he didn’t move with Dean to another lesson until they didn’t master the previous one. He couldn’t teach Dean with his guitar though so he was just explaining him things verbally and from time to time, when Dean was struggling with various chords like now, he motioned his hands and fingers in the right position. 

“Yes. Barre chords are quite hard to play at first since you need to cover all strings at once. But trust me, when you master this, it will be only for a profit to you.” Castiel said with affirmation. Dean was trying hard to achieve the desired sound but he failed every time. 

“I can’t do this, Cas,” he sighed loudly. 

“There’s no such thing as can’t,” Castiel responded standing up from his arm-chair opposite couch Dean was sitting on and moved over to sit down on the couch next to him. “It’s only about will. If you can picture it, you can do it.” 

Castiel grabbed Dean’s hand and moved it to the right position, carefully moving his fingers so they would strike the right strings. Dean blinked a bit of the sudden proximity of the other man which he still didn’t get used to. He was trying to focus on his fingers but starting to drift off in his thoughts again. 

“You must push your index finger hard, since it serves as a nut now.” Castiel said holding Dean’s index finger on the first fret. 

“The lower you play on the neck, the harder it is to get the notes you want. But with good practise you’ll get better. Now, hit the strings with your right hand.” Dean did as he was told and he stayed amazed by the pure sound of F chord he and Cas managed to create. He made a big ear-to-ear grin and looked over to Cas. 

“You are awesome teacher, Cas. You know that?” It was then when Dean realised how close they actually were. Their faces were just inches apart and Castiel was still holding his hand on the neck of the guitar. 

“And you are talented student, Dean,” he said with small half smile. 

And it was then when Dean realised how majorly screwed he was. He couldn’t stop looking into those impossibly blue eyes, feeling like he could lost in them so easily. Hell, he wasn’t gay. Not at all. He had so many women any sheikh with harem would be jealous. But usually it wasn’t constant relationships. The only real relationship he had was with Cassie and it didn’t end well either. Dean laughed a bit in his mind when he realised the similarity between names of Cassie and Cas, but he was quickly thrown back to the reality by the husky voice of Castiel. Dean blinked to see Castiel moved away from him and let go of his hand. 

“Sorry, you were sayin’?” Dean asked looking anywhere but at Castiel. 

“I was asking if your wrist isn’t hurting. When you play barre chords, your hand is not in the most natural position. You need to bend your wrist much, so usually it starts hurting for a while. Especially when you’re beginner.” It was then when Dean realised a sharp pain in his left wrist and nodded looking down at it. 

“It’s ok. It will get better with practise too. Your hand needs to adapt to this new position. For now we’ll end with barre chords and I’ll show you some exercises for stretching your hands so that pain would fade away faster.” Castiel explained. 

After that Dean put the guitar away and rest of lesson they spent with Castiel showing him various stretching exercises. Castiel didn’t move to his seat opposite of Dean however, though now he sat much farther on the couch then minutes ago.

*****

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean said standing in the door preparing to leave. “I will definitely practise those barre chords today yet. They’re nasty little sons of the bitches.”

Castiel couldn’t help himself and laugh a little from amusement. Dean was amazed by the sudden happiness which came from Castiel. He haven’t heard him laugh yet, nor seen him smile open-heartedly. He liked this side of Castiel and he wished he could see it more frequently. But then the moment faded away and Castiel was solemn again. 

“Yes. They are,” he said. “But don’t practise them too much. You need to go slow on it from the start. Stop playing, when you’ll start feeling the pain and give it a break, ok? All it needs is time. It’s always better to practice in shorter periods daily then in longer ones weekly or so.” 

“You should listen to yourself sometimes, Cas,” Dean teased him. “You were used to play even six hours straight.” 

“Yes,” Castiel said with a sad smile and in that moment Dean regretted what he has just said. 

“But when I just started, I haven’t been playing that long. It’s all about practise and motivation, Dean.” 

Dean put the hand on the other man’s shoulder to make him look at him and when Castiel did, Dean said reassuringly: “And I’m more than sure you will be able to again soon enough.” Castiel nodded but Dean saw in his eyes he wasn’t convinced at all. 

“So, we’ll see each other tomorrow, right?” Dean asked in attempt to ease the conversation. 

“Yes, well. I have an appointment with doctor tomorrow so I guess I’ll give you a call then. I’ll see what doctor will say.” Dean’s heart skipped a beat when he heard the word doctor. 

“Is everything ok?” he asked voice full of worry. 

“Yes,” Castiel said quickly to ensure him it wasn’t anything serious. “It’s just standard check-up.” 

“Ok then,” Dean said more calmly now. “Hey, you know what? I can give you a ride there,” he burst out before he could think about it properly. 

“Oh, it’s ok. I’ll take a bus. I don’t want to bother you.” 

“It’s the least I can do for you since you won’t allow me to pay you for the lessons.” Dean said determined. “And I don’t take no as answer. I’ll be here one way or another. Even if I am about to sleep in the Impala all night so you wouldn’t flee me at the morning.” Castiel smiled at the thought of how resolute Dean was and nodded. 

“Very well then. Be here at nine.” 

“Awesome. See you then, Cas.” 

After that Dean turned on his heels and walked away towards his beloved car. Castiel was looking after him for a while thinking about the event of the day trying to contemplate them. 

“May I go down? Is your lover boy gone? Ya know, I don’t want to catch you during something kinky.” The sound of Gabriel’s voice sounded from upstairs. Castiel closed the door and turned to glare at his older brother who was grinning at him from the first floor. 

“Yes. He’s gone. And no, he is not my “lover boy”, as you stated.” Castiel said with annoyed look. “Besides, I can’t see anything “kinky” in practising guitar.” 

“Well, I don’t know, bro. For a while there was awfully silent in here. So I was just wondering ... how exactly can you play guitar so quietly?!”

Castiel’s cheeks turned red when he remembered the moment Gabriel was probably referring to, but he didn’t say anything to that topic. Instead, he turned to go to kitchen and shouted on Gabriel without looking at him: “Will you shut up, when I’ll go buy you an ice-cream?” 

Gabriel smirked again and said to himself, slowly coming down the stairs. “I knew it. Something is definitely going on between those two.”


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is struggling musician who is suffering from tendinitis a month before big guitar contest he is supposed to attend. Dean is trying to help him overcome his fears.

              Dean was sitting in the Impala sipping at his morning coffee reminding himself why he got up so early in the morning. “Hello, Dean,” coarse voice sounded from behind the open window at shotgun’s seat. 

“Oh hey there, angel boy. Looking good this morning.” Dean said smilingly waving to the other man standing next to the car. 

“Come on in. Don’t be shy, Cas.” he teased him grinning. Castiel nodded and got in the car. 

“What about some Led Zep, huh?” Dean asked when Castiel seated himself. 

“Yes. That would be pleasant.”  Dean turned on the button on the cassette player and Whole Lotta Love started to play. 

“Oh, it’s such a shame they’re not playing together anymore. I would kill for the tickets to one of their gigs.” Dean exclaimed as he started the car and slowly took off. 

“That’s true. I don’t believe there ever have been not that there ever will be greater band than Led Zeppelin.” Castiel stated. 

“Do not tell me they’re your favourite band, dude,” Dean said gazing at Castiel shortly. 

“Ok then. I will not tell you, dude.” 

“No way man.” Dean exclaimed grinning. “Mine too. I swear, if you were a woman, I would marry you right away,” Dean said before he could think about the meaning of his words. When he realised what he just said, his whole face turned brightly red. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t think you are my type. You have ... very short hair.” Castiel stated solemn. Dean furrowed his eyebrows in attempt to figure out if he was just turned down by the guy sitting next to him when he glanced at Castiel once again and he saw him grinning from ear to ear. 

“Cheeky bastard. You’re bullshitting me.” Dean laughed. 

“You’re right. I’m sorry. You’re hair are just long enough.” Castiel laughed too. 

“Well I see someone woke up in pretty good mood today. That’s good. You should smile and laugh more often, Cas. It suits you.” 

“Thank you,” Castiel smiled sheepishly. 

      Pretty whole drive was on the similar note. Two men were laughing, teasing each other and singing along the lyrics from radio. They were enjoying themselves as if they forgot where they were heading. 

“You have damn good voice, Cas,” Dean said after particularly successful duet of Heartbreaker. “Do you also sing professionally?” 

“Not in particular,” Castiel responded. “I used to be more of a studio player. Truth is me and my cousin Balthazar along with few friends have been jamming a bit long time ago and I used to also sing during those sessions, but we haven’t seen each other for a few months already.” 

“Why’s that? I bet you’ll be a great rockstar. Chicks would totally dig you with those astonishing eyes of yours. I mean. You know. Chicks dig blue eyes. That’s all I’m saying.”

Dean blushed a bit again. He didn’t know why he was jabbering like school girl, but he definitely didn’t like saying Castiel everything what came to his mind. He blamed it for the lack of sleeping but he certainly hoped he will not say or do anything he would regret next day. Thankfully the Ramble On started to play and Dean turned on the volume on maximum with explanation this was his favourite song and how it needs to be listened to on the full volume. Which was basically true. Both parts.

*****

Dean parked at the hospital parking lot and two men made their way to the reception. Nurse over there led them to the ordination and told them doctor will come for a while. As they entered the ordination they saw the other nurse bending over backing them, looking for something on the lowest shelf. Dean couldn’t help himself and exclaimed checking nurse’s ass. 

“Well. If every nurse in here would look like this, I believe I would be sick more often.” 

The nurse found what she was looking for and straighten her back turning around to face two guys in front of her. And at this moment Dean’s face went totally red and for a split of second he was glad they were in hospital because he felt like he was about to faint. The nurse, though had quite long hair, wasn’t girl at all. The nurse was very tall and (Dean had to admit) also handsome guy. But still, it was a guy. Dean just checked guy’s ass. What the hell was wrong with him today? 

“And if all patients were as nice as you, I would love my job even more than I do.” The nurse said with amused grin. Dean turned to Castiel to find some support from the other man but all he saw was Castiel’s brightly red face as he was trying not to blur into fit of laughter. 

”I’m ... ehm ... sorry? Sam.” Dean was trying to figure out what to say while checking the nurse’s name tag. 

“That’s ok.” Sam said. “At least I know all those hours in work out facility paid off. Anyway, doctor Henricksen will be here any minute and I’ve already found what I was looking for so I will leave you too alone. Please, try not to check my ass on my way out.” He said to Dean and walked past to him leaving the room. Dean looked over to Castiel who was still trying to hold his laugh. 

“Well, I’m glad I made you laugh, buddy. At least someone finds this situation hilarious.”

*****

Doctor Henricksen entered the room shortly after nurse Sam walked out. 

“Morning, Mr. Collins. Oh, I see you have a company here today.” He said as he saw Dean standing next to Castiel. 

“Yes. He is ... a friend.” 

“Winchester. Dean Winchester.” Dean said shaking doctor’s hand. 

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Winchester.” Doctor said to Dean and then he faced Castiel. “Mr. Collins, are you sure you want Mr. Winchester here as we will discuss your condition?” 

“Yes. I ... I have no secrets in front of Dean anymore.” Castiel said with a short glance over to Dean with a little smile. 

“Everything you want to say, you can say in front of him too.” 

“Very well then.” Doctor Henricksen was examining Castiel’s forearm carefully while Dean was standing in the corner of the room thinking about Castiel’s words. 

He truly trusted him though they knew each other only a week. He clearly wanted him to know everything about him and Dean realised he felt the same way. He was never so close to another man, or better say, to anybody at all. After his dad died he retreated within himself afraid to open up to anybody. He didn’t want anyone to go through the same desperation as he did. So he tried to banish those thoughts with constant flirtation with random women and with one night stands. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, that’s why he never had constant relationship. It was easier to pick up some chick and forget about her the other day. But here he was. Standing in the ordination with the man he knew only for a week but he felt like he knew him all his life and he knew he couldn’t have forgotten about him, even if he would have gone away. He didn’t want to hurt Cas. Hell, that was the last thing he wanted. But he felt he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about him, from worrying about him, from carrying about him. He was happy when he was in Castiel’s presence so why not to grab this chance and be freaking happy for once in his life. If it wasn’t meant to be, they wouldn’t have met on the damn cliff a week ago. 

“Is it everything?” Castiel’s voice broke into Dean’s thoughts. 

“Yes. You’re good to go.” Doctor said to him. “It looks very good. If it will ease off the same speed as it does now, you’ll be able to play even sooner than for three weeks. But, don’t pressure it, Mr. Collins. Anyway, you’ll be ready to go for that competition of yours with certainty.” 

“Thank you very much doctor. I appreciate everything you did for me.” Castiel said shaking doctor's hand. 

“You´re welcome. It’s my job after all.” Doctor said with a small smile. 

“Ok then. See you in two weeks, Mr. Collins. Just to check it up.” Castiel nodded and they walked out of the ordination.

*****

Dean and Castiel made their way back to Impala. 

“What you say about little lunch?” Dean asked as he turned the keys in the ignition. 

“I mean. If you don’t have any other plans. I don’t know how about you, but I’m starving.” 

“Yes. That’s great idea. Let’s do this.” Castiel smiled. 

       The drive was pretty much the same as before. Except they were listening to AC/DC now. They managed to find a little bistro not far from hospital and since they were pretty hungry they settled for that and Dean pulled over. They both ordered hamburgers and ate pretty much in silence. But it wasn’t an awkward silence. They both enjoyed each others company, their meals and the comfy atmosphere of the place.  

“You really don’t want some?” Dean asked as the waitress brought him apple pie he ordered for dessert. 

“No thanks. I’m not a big fan of sweet things.” Castiel said. 

“Oh come on, man. It’s not like you need to keep your weight or something. You look fantastic.” Dean couldn’t believe he just said that. 

On the other hand. He wasn’t lying. Castiel had a great figure. He was slim but strong, had wide shoulders and really firm ass. Ok, so maybe that nurse guy wasn’t the first guy whose ass Dean checked. But still. You don’t tell things like this to random dudes over the pie. Actually, you don’t tell things like this to random dudes at all. But on the other hand, Castiel wasn’t just any random dude. 

“Thanks. I guess.” Castiel said blushing a bit. “But I think I’ll pass.” 

“Man. Really?” Dean said trying to sound himself hurt. He balanced with the fork in front of Castiel’s mouth and made the best puppy eyes he managed to do. 

“Come on. Just one bite. For me?”

Castiel was thinking for a while and then he opened his mouth and put the fork with the slice of the pie in it. Dean realised he was still holding the fork and that actually right now, he was feeding Castiel. He felt the heat coming to his face and he was wondering how many times his face can get so red until there will not be enough blood in his body to blush. As much as Dean wanted to run away to the bathroom as a little school girl, he couldn’t stop staring at Castiel’s lips as they were wrapped around the fork. Castiel was clearly enjoying the pie and when he swallowed it, he licked his lips to wipe off the drops of syrup on them. Dean didn’t think his face could get any redder but he was pretty sure it did and that he now looked like during the morning incident with nurse Sam. 

“It’s very good.” Castiel said finally and Dean managed to look away from his lips to his eyes. Which, in Dean’s case, wasn’t any better option. 

“Ehm ... Would you like more?” Dean asked voice huskier than usual. 

“You ordered it. I can’t possibly eat your dessert.” Castiel said but Dean saw his longing gaze he was shooting on the plate. 

“That’s ok.” Dean said moving his plate in front of Castiel. “I’m full anyway. I wouldn’t manage to eat it whole. Please, dig in.” 

And that was the moment Dean was 100% sure Castiel wasn’t just any random dude. Because Dean Winchester would never ever refuse to eat his pie, no matter how full he was. And the second thing? There were just two things in Dean Winchester’s life he wouldn’t ever share with. Keys to Impala and his pie. And still, he just did. For Cas.

*****

“What about pulling over here?” Dean asked as they were driving around the familiar surrounding with cliff where two guys have met week ago. 

“It’s pretty nice sight from there. I mean, when it’s not raining.” Castiel nodded and Dean stopped the car next to the road. 

They got out of the Impala and sat on the edge of the cliff enjoying the warmth of afternoon sun on their faces. After a while they lay on their backs watching the clear sky above them. 

“So. The competition doctor was talking about. Is it some king of big deal?” Dean asked after a while. 

“Yes. You might say it is. It’s the final round of the guitar competition where the winner will be given the rights to record an album.” 

“Sounds great.” Dean said looking over to Cas. 

“So that’s why you were here last week?”

“Yes. It was then when doctor diagnosed me with tendinitis. I came here to think about what to do next.” 

“But you heard the doctor. He said it’s on the good way to be OK. And you still have three weeks to the competition. I’m sure you’ll kick their asses, Cas.” Castiel smiled a little and looked back to the sky, sitting up. 

“I know my hand will be fine. That’s not what I’m afraid of. It’s just. My rival, Raphael. He is really good and we are kind of competitors since, well, since always. This is my final chance to make it to the music business. Me and Gabriel, we don’t have much money and I can’t just sit around waiting for another great opportunity. I haven’t had a studio job since months now and we need to live from something. Gabriel’s commercials also don’t bring much. If I will not win this, I’m afraid I’ll have to quit my music career and look for more stable job." 

“No!” Dean exclaimed sitting up next to Cas. 

“Don’t you dare to do that, Cas. Music is your life, it’s your everything. I can see it in your eyes every time we talk about it or when we play or do something connected to music. It’s not right to give up on your dreams. You need to fight for them.” Dean leaned even closer to Castiel but the other man didn’t flinched, just locked his gaze with Dean’s. 

“Plus, I know you’ll win. Because no matter how good that Raphael guy may be, your music comes from here,” and he placed a hand over Castiel chest, right where his heart was. 

Castiel looked on Dean’s hand and then back to those eyes full of understanding and faith. Once again, they were only inches away. But now, now it wasn’t any accident or coincidence. Now they wanted it. Dean licked his lips and glanced over Castiel’s and then back to those beautifully blue eyes. He was about to lean forward and kiss the guy, when his mobile rang. 

“Dammit!” Dean growled leaning back to look on his phone. 

“Sorry man, I need to pick this. Be right back.” He said standing up accepting his call. 

“Hey, Jo.” Dean said to the phone. 

“Yeah. I’m with Cas right now .... No, I haven’t yet. Thanks to you actually.” And that was the last thing Castiel heard before Dean disappeared from his hearing range. 

He laied back looking to the sky thinking over what have just happened. Was Dean really about to kiss him? He thought the other day it was just his imagination when they were practising barre chords and they ended up too close to each other. But now. It really seemed like he wanted to kiss him. And Castiel couldn’t lie to himself, because he wanted it too. He didn’t know what it was about Dean what made him so appealing but since they’ve met, he couldn’t stop thinking about the man with green eyes. Even in his dreams he saw himself with Dean and it felt good. He didn’t know him very well, but he felt like he could tell him everything, like he could trust him with his life. Like he would always be there for him. He didn’t understand this emotion. All he knew was, he was happy when he was around Dean.

“Ok. Yes. I understand.” Dean was coming back and Castiel could clearly hear now what he was saying. Though he definitely wasn’t prepare for what he heard next. 

“Ok, hun. See you tonight. Love you too. Bye.”

Castiel’s heart felt like it was stabbed by thousands cold spears yanked out and stomped on. He felt like his whole world came crushing down.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is struggling musician who is suffering from tendinitis a month before big guitar contest he is supposed to attend. Dean is trying to help him overcome his fears.

“I think we should head back,” Castiel said as he stood up from the ground refusing to look at Dean. 

“Cas? Everything’s good?” Dean felt something in Castiel’s voice he couldn’t quite figure out. 

“Yes. Everything is perfect. Just ... drive me home,” Castiel said firmly and started to walk quickly back to Impala. 

Dean saw something was bothering Castiel, but he couldn’t think of what was wrong. Maybe it was because he tried to kiss him? Or maybe he said something? He felt like he should apologise but he didn’t know what for. He looked over to Castiel only to see he was already almost next to Impala so Dean jogged a little to catch up with him. 

“Cas, wait,” he shouted but Castiel didn’t seem to take him into account.

Castiel was about to open the door of the car when the hand appeared from behind him and slammed the door shut. The other hand turned him over and he was suddenly face to face with Dean who put both of his hands from both sides of Castiel on the roof of Impala so Castiel couldn’t get away. 

“I said wait,” Dean said firmly. 

“Dean I ...” Castiel started but Dean interrupted him. 

“No Cas. We’re not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell just happened.” Castiel was trying to slip out of Dean’s grip but he wasn’t able to. 

“Is it something I did? Dammit, Cas! You said you trust me so tell me what’s going on.” 

“It’s nothing Dean. Please. I want to go home now.” 

Dean cupped Castiel’s cheek with one hand, the other still on the roof of the Impala. “Look at me, Cas,” he said forcing the other man to do so. 

Castiel did, although very unwillingly and it was the sight Dean wasn’t prepared for and his heart ached badly. Castiel’s eyes were full of hurt and pain. They looked like all life has been drained from them and the whole spark and the light faded away. He’s never seen Castiel like this. Not even the day they’ve met. 

“Dean.” Castiel said quietly. “Let’s just go.” 

He fought back his tears when he added: “Your ... girlfriend,” he swallowed hard, “is waiting for you.” 

Dean stared at Castiel in blank surprise. Castiel used the moment of Dean’s subtleness and managed to get away from his grip and was about to walk away. 

“Wait, what?” Dean asked grabbing him by the shoulder turning him to face him once again. 

“What are you talking about, Cas?” Castiel didn’t look at him. He didn’t have any more strength to do so. 

He just said plainly, looking down at their shoes: “The one you were speaking with. You said you’ll see her tonight. We should go back. You need to prepare for your date.” 

Dean couldn’t help himself but laugh a little. “So that’s what you were thinking?” 

Castiel’s heart ached even more. Not just that Dean was playing with him all day long but he’s also found it freaking hilarious.

“Cas,” Dean said cupping Castiel’s cheek one more time so the other guy would look him in the eyes. 

“Jo is my cousin. Well, she’s more like a sister to me actually. We’re very close. She’s actually living with me right now because she can’t afford her own place. But we’re just family.” 

Castiel had to take a moment until everything what just happened and what just Dean said sank in. He felt like an idiot. Making such a scene, for what? For the guy he didn’t even kissed yet. For the guy who was ... what actually was Dean for Cas?

“I see,” he said finally, looking down again. 

He didn’t want to look at Dean because he knew if he did, Dean would see everything in his eyes. He would see every emotion he was feeling towards him. Even the ones he didn’t know of yet or the ones he didn’t know to name properly. 

“But still,” he said trying to change the subject, “we should head back now. It’s getting late.” 

“Yeah, yeah. We should do that.” Dean said letting go of Castiel and heading to the other side of the car. Before he opened the door though, one thing came to his mind. 

“Wait a minute.” He said looking over to Castiel who was standing on the other side of the car prepared to get in. 

“Were you ... jealous, Cas?”

Castiel’s ears turned immediately red as he quickly replied: “No. Of course not.”

He got in the car wishing he sounded more convincing in the ears of Dean than in his own.

Drive back was quieter than the one in the morning. Both men were fully contemplated by their own thoughts not really paying attention to Journey album which was heard silently from the speakers. 

“So, here we are.” Dean said turning off the engine. “Well. See you tomorrow I guess?” 

Suddenly Dean felt very awkward in Castiel’s presence. Maybe it was because of that almost kiss earlier that day. Maybe because of all the thoughts Dean had about Castiel lately. He couldn’t stop thinking about man sitting next to him. But still, he didn’t know if Castiel felt the same. He maybe didn’t flinch when he wanted to kiss him. But he also said to that doctor guy he considers Dean as a friend. 

“What about our lesson?” Castiel asked suddenly. 

“Sorry man but I didn’t bring my guitar. I didn’t expect to, you know, spend the whole day with you.” 

“I can borrow you mine.” Castiel said quietly. 

“You what?” Dean didn’t believe his ears. 

“I can borrow you mine.” Castiel repeated. 

“Yeah. I heard you. I’m just, little surprised I guess. I mean, it’s not the cheapest thing and I don’t want to you know, broke her or something.” 

Castiel laughed a bit. “I think you know a thing or two already so you wouldn’t break her.” 

Dean smiled sheepishly and took the keys from ignition. “Ok then. It’s a deal.” 

Two men got out of the car and head to the front door of a small house.

Dean was waiting in the living room while Castiel went upstairs for his guitar and amp. He came back for a while with beautiful shinny blue electric guitar. 

“It PRS P22. I have her for 5 years now,” Castiel explained handing her to Dean. Dean was astonished by the beauty of the guitar. 

“She’s beautiful,” he said. “Looks totally like new. You really think I can play her? I don’t want to put her out of tune or something. Not even scratch her by accident.” 

“It’s ok. Please, show me what you have learned already.” 

Castiel attached guitar to amp and let Dean to show him what he knew. 

“Good, very good,” Castiel smiled as Dean started to drifting off and improvising a bit. 

“You practised a lot at home, didn’t you?” he asked laughing a bit. 

Dean stopped playing and looked over Castiel. “Yes. I did. A bit. But this is totally different. It’s not like playing acoustic.” 

“No it’s not,” Castiel nodded. “But you’re doing pretty well.” He smiled at Dean whose cheeks turned slightly red. 

“Well, I had a great teacher,” Dean reciprocated the smile. 

“You know, this guitar is almost perfect for you. That blue colour matches your eyes. And if there were angel wings except those birds on inlay, it would be totally perfect.” 

“Ehm, thank you, I guess,” now it was Castiel’s turn to turn slightly red. 

They were staring at each other in silence when the sudden long whistle cut in and Gabriel appeared in doorway.

“Well well. I certainly didn’t expect to see this,” he said grinning wide. “Very nice, little bro. Very nice.” 

Dean wasn’t following at all what was this about but it apparently meant something as he saw Castiel gave Gabriel his most deadly glare. 

“I think that’s enough for today. May I take her back upstairs?” Castiel asked Dean as he stood up from the arm-chair. 

“Sure,” Dean said handing Castiel his guitar. 

As Castiel exited the room Gabriel followed him with his eyes until he was sure Castiel was out of sight and also hearing range. 

“What did you do, man? Did you blow him or something?” he asked staring wide eyed at Dean. 

“I what? I didn’t ... what?” Dean was trying to catch his breath as he found himself totally surprised by sudden accusation. “Why would you think that?” he asked as he pulled himself together again. 

“You know, the thing about my lil bro is he is super ultra extremely anti-social. I mean he doesn’t have any other friends than me, Balthazar and the guys from band. And he didn’t talk to them for months either. And then, suddenly, you show up and my lil bro is all happy face and daydreaming gaze and shy smiles. And now we’re getting to the interesting part. You know, he totally loves his guitar. And by loves I mean, really loves. I have a feeling there is the name for it, like objectophilia or something like that. Like seriously man, he even named his guitar. I don’t know how, but I’m pretty sure he has name for it. Well, on the other hand, you would probably understand.” 

“Beg your pardon?” Dean tried to contemplate all he’s just heard. 

“I mean, I saw you with your car. You two should get a room sometimes.” Gabriel explained.

“Baby?” Dean exclaimed suddenly. “No one talks bad about Baby.” 

“Just as I said. You would understand, right? Anyway! The point is, Castiel is really really freaking protective about his guitar or anything else about his privacy. Like he doesn’t even let me wipe the dust form it. And here he lets you play it? I mean come on. There is much bigger picture here. Next thing, he will show you some of his lyrics? I mean. He writes ... a lot. He has this big box of papers with songs and lyrics under his bed but he never ever showed it to anybody. Not to me, not to Balthy, not anybody. He is too afraid people would say they suck or something like that. He has really fucked up self-confidence. And then you show up and he seems like totally different person.” 

“Wait a minute. You’re wiping dust?” Dean laughed a little. 

“Really? That’s all you took from what I’ve just said?” Gabriel raised an eyebrow questioningly. 

“No. Also an image of you in pink apron cleaning up the house.”

Gabriel shook his head in disbelief.  “Tell me you’re joking and you were actually listening to my monologue.” 

“I was. And I get it. I am apparently important for Cas.” 

“You bet you are. So don’t you dare to ...” before he could finish Castiel appeared behind him and Gabriel shut his mouth inaudibly. 

“I’m sorry it took so long,” he said quietly. “I’ve got an idea for a song and I wanted to write it down.” 

“Ok, I will go to grab some snack. I don’t need to see you too guys circling around each other like horny teenagers.” Dean and Castiel glanced at each other shortly and quickly looked away again. Gabriel went to the kitchen and Dean made few steps closer to Castiel and to the front door. 

“Well. You were writing? As in, I inspired you to write something?” Dean said with a slight smile. 

“Yes. You did, actually.” Castiel blushed a bit. 

“May I see it?” 

“No.” Castiel said firmly. “I mean. Maybe, another time.” He added more softly. 

“Ok then. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” Dean said smiling diffidently. 

“Yes.” Castiel nodded. 

Dean opened the door and was about to leave when Castiel stopped him. “Dean,” he exclaimed suddenly. 

“Yes?” Dean turned to face other man who was standing there shyly, hands in his pockets. 

“I’m ... ehm ... thanks for today. It was ... well ... very pleasant day.” He said looking everywhere but at Dean. 

“I’m glad you enjoyed it, angel boy. I did too.” Dean smiled slightly. 

“Do you think we should, maybe, you know, do it again someday?” Castiel said locking his gaze with Dean. 

“Sure,” Dean’s smile grew wider. “That would be awesome.” 

“Ok,” Castiel nodded. 

Dean was about to turn away when Castiel grabbed him by the shoulder and he was forced to turn again. 

“And, thank you ... for everything else,” Castiel said, leaned closer to Dean and kissed him on the cheek. It was just a small peck, but Dean could feel the warmth radiating from other man’s body and damn if it didn’t felt good. He stood there little surprised by the sudden action from Castiel, mouth slightly open. 

“Ehm. Your welcome?” Dean said unsurely, smiled at Castiel one last time, turned on his heels and headed back home. 

“Wow! Just wow! That was a whole new level of gay!” Gabriel said standing in the kitchen doorway stuffing his face with cake. 

“Did you see that?” Castiel asked closing the door behind him. 

“You mean the gayest thing ever? Yeah! I’ve seen that. Good move, bro, good move.” 

Castiel’s cheeks burned red as he walked to the living room sitting on the couch. 

“So you like him?” Gabriel asked solemnly putting away plate with cake and sitting in front of Castiel. 

“I guess,” Castiel said looking to the ground. “I mean. I feel good in his company and my stomach turns when he is close to me, but it is a good feeling, not bad one.” 

“Like you have butterflies in there?” Gabriel asked with a little smile. 

“Yes. Like butterflies.” 

“And?” 

“And my heart skips a beat every time he touches me. And I know I could tell him everything and he would always be here for me.” 

“Even when no one else would?” 

“Even when no one else would.” 

“Well and that, my lil bro, is called love.” 

“Am I in love with Dean?” Gabriel just smiled and nodded.  

“And you think he loves me back?” 

“I don’t know, bro. That’s something you need to find out by yourself.”


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is struggling musician who is suffering from tendinitis a month before big guitar contest he is supposed to attend. Dean is trying to help him overcome his fears.

Two weeks later

Dean woke up to sudden indifferent noises coming from not far where he was lying. He blinked few times to get used to dark and sit up strechting his sore body. Great, he slept over television again. It was becoming more of a habbit in the past week. Truth was, he barely slept or ate. He didn’t even play the guitar anymore. It reminded him Castiel too much. Only thing he was glad for was amount of work in the garage which kept him busy. Other days he wouldn’t stop bitching about piles of broken cars which needed to be fixed but now, now he was glad to do something to keep his mind busy. Too keep his mind from trailling off to memories of him and Castiel spending time together. Of memories of Castiel’s blue eyes, of theirs almost kiss back there on the cliff, of warm almost imperceptible touches Castiel used to gave him or of the smile which brought butterflies to Dean’s stomach and redness to his cheeks. 

It was really hard to forget about Castiel. Especially when his brother kept showing up on TV so frequently. Like for example right now. Dean realised there was again some commercial with Gabriel on and he was about to turn it off but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Because Gabriel reminded him Castiel and in the depth of his heart Dean didn’t want to forget about Castiel. So he kept watching. 

He saw the young very hot and very desprate blond chick in the park with about three years old kid which totally didn’t look like it was hers and suddenly Gabriel showed up leaning to the kid and asking him: “Who’s your daddy?” Kid started to cry and exclaimed loudly: “I don’t knooooow.” Gabriel shaked his head, gave kid candy to stop him from crying his eyes out and turned to his so called mother. He gave her a little box of something with wide grin and then showed another box to the screen. Then Dean realised that something was condoms. Gabriel grinned to potential watcher and said solemnly: “Durex. Better safe than sorry.” 

Dean started to regret he didn’t turn off the TV when he had the chance when somebody knocked on the door eagerly. 

“Who the hell is it? It’s almost eleven.” Dean muttered as he stood up from the couch. ‘Maybe it's Jo,’ he thought. 

Jo wasn’t living with Dean anymore. She managed to save up enough money for her own appartment and moved out about week ago. Though she still was coming and going as she pleased as she didn’t move all of her stuffs yet. And Dean was honestly glad she stopped by from time to time. When she was still around they used to hang out, watch some cheesy horror movies or talk hours and hours mostly about Castiel and how his and Dean’s relationship was progressing. Now, when she was gone Dean didn’t have anyone to talk to, to complain to or just to sit with in the comfortable silence. He was totally alone. Well, except that unexpected mysterious visitor behind the door. 

Dean trumped ponderously to the door and opened it only to see Gabriel. But it wasn’t usual Gabriel with cocky grin. He seemed more troubled and a bit sad. 

“Hey Deano. I brought you something.” he said showing the bag he was caring.  

“Hey, Gabe. Ehm, come in, I guess.” Dean let Gabriel in and led him to the kitchen. 

“You want some?” he pulled two beers out of the fridge. 

“Sure,” Gabriel nodded. 

Dean handed one beer over to Gabriel and opened the second one for himself and sat against the smaller man. “I’ve just seen you on TV. Dude, you should get better job,” Dean said drowsy. 

“Which one was it?” Gabe asked curiously. 

“The one with condoms.” 

“Ah yeah. That one. But you must admit the phrase is catchy.” Dean just nodded and didn’t say anything. 

“But don’t worry. I was just auditioning to this role in TV series the other day. It’s called Supernatural or something like that. Something about two brothers hunting ghosts and stuff. They didn’t call me yet but I believe they were pretty impressed by me.” 

“Sure they were. Everyone is impressed by you, when they meet you,” Dean said sracasticly sipping from his beer. “But you didn’t come here to talk about auditions, did you? You said you brought me something?” 

“Yeah,” Gabriel responded leaning over to grab the bag which he put on the chair next to him. “I brought your jacket back.” 

“Oh,” Dean almost forgot he didn’t have his leather jacket. Sure, it was one of the few things he totally loved in his miserable life but he managed to forget about it very quickly since the same day he lost this he lost even something else, something more important he also loved deeply though was still afraid to admit it. Or better said someone. 

“Thanks,” he gave Gabriel a small half-smile. 

“So,” Dean paused for a while thinking if he really wanted to talk about it. But then again, he desperetly wanted to know anything about Castiel. “How is he?” he asked finally. 

“How do you expect?” Gabriel asked rhetoricaly sipping from his own beer. “First he didn’t even come out of his room. He was there doing whatever he was doing, mostly I assume cuddling with your jacket since you left it there. Then he threw it out of the room. I just assume he is in the state of repression now. And lately he started to go out in the evening on some solitary trips or what, God knows where. But you know what’s the worst part?” Dean shook his head. “He went to see the doctor the other day and he said he can play again. He can’t stretch himself very much but still. He can play.” 

Gabriel paused for a while to sip from his beer. “But he doesn’t.” 

Dean couldn’t look at the other man. He didn’t know what to say. 

“I mean,” Gabriel started again, “I can’t say I loved when he was playing all day long. Ok, he maybe plays good. Ok, he plays awesome, but sometimes man wants a bit of quiet not to hear those riffs and slides all day long. When he couldn’t play and you came, well, you were no Jimmy Page.” 

“No one is Jimmy Page except Jimmy Page,” Dean mumbled almost inaudibly. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “As I said, you were no Jimmy Page but Castiel seemed to be at least a bit happy when he could teach you. But now. He has a chance to play and he’s not doing it. That silence in the house. It’s killing me.” 

“What do you want me to do?” Dean suddenly locked his gaze with Gabriel. 

“I don’t know. Go talk to him. It was your fault at the first place.” 

“It wasn’t. I didn’t do anything ...” Dean’s voice trailed off. “Ok, maybe it was my fault. A bit. But he also didn’t need to snap me like that.” 

“I warned you. He is a difficult person. And if you were in his shoes I believe it would matter a lot to you too. But ... what has happened, happened. You can’t change that. So if you care about him at least a little bit, go and try to fix it.” 

With that Gabriel drank the rest of his beer stood up and aimed to the door. In the doorway he turned around once more and said: “You are the only one who can fix this, Dean.” And with that he walked away. 

Dean was staring at his empty bottle what felt like forever. He knew both of them, he and Castiel made mistake. And he wanted everything to just go back. If he could reverse the time just once, he would do it now. Not to bang again some random chick, not even to save his dad from that car accident which killed him. He would reverse it to change that goddamn moment when he lost the only thing he cared about in his pityful life anymore.  
  
A week ago 

Dean was working his ass of as his boss, Bobby, went on the long deserved vacation with his wife Ellen. This meant Dean was now in charge of the Singer’s garage and he had to put up with all paperwork, cars and other employees. He loved his job so he didn’t complain, but now he needed to spend twice as much time in garage and that meant twice less time with Castiel. 

The two of them were still meeting up frequently though, in spite of Dean’s tight schedule. But it wasn’t daily meetings anymore and it somehow didn’t felt like before. They were still practising and as would Gabriel say, still circling around each other. Neither of them took that first and final step in telling the other one how he felt though they had billions chances to do so. They were too afraid to possibly destroy the beautiful friendship they’ve managed to develope for the past two weeks.

*****

So here he was. Standing in front of those familiar door again, thinking if this would be the day when he’ll finaly take heart to tell Castiel about his feelings towards him. Dean was just about to knock when door flew open and there stood the familiar guy from the hospital. An on Dean’s even bigger surprise he was followed by Gabriel. 

“Oh, hey Deano.” Gabriel grinned as he spotted him. 

“Hey Gabe. Sam, right?” Dean turned to the taller man. 

“That’s right. You have quite good memory, Mr. Let’s check nurse’s ass.” Sam responded with amused smirk. 

Dean turned red immediately as he replied silently: “Actually, it’s Dean.” 

“Oh I’m sure anybody would remember ass like this.” Gabriel stated as he slapped Sam’s rear. Sam glared at him a bit, but than smiled lovingly. 

“Sorry love. I forgot you don’t do PDA. Well, nevermind. We’ll save it for the bedroom then,” Gabriel reciprocated him the smile and winked at him. 

“And you,” Gabriel turned to open mouthed Dean who stood there in complete disbelief, “don’t you worry. I don’t blame you for that little accident. Sammy’s ass is hard to resist.” 

“Ehm,” Dean was trying to find the right words for this unexpected situation. “You’re together?” Was all he was managed to say in the end. 

“Somebody give this kid a price for observation.” Gabriel exclaimed laughingly. “Yes. We met like week ago when I was forced to go to hospital cause I’ve had a small accident during shooting one of the commercials.” 

“Tower of Pepsi cans fell on him and he had slight concussion.” Sam added grinning wide. Gabriel send him little glare and continued. 

“And this sorry son of a bitch was on duty and he got stucked with caring about me.” 

“Oh come on. Admit it. You were all over me the moment you saw me,” Sam teased him. 

“Yeah. I’ve got to admit. The moment I saw your ass I knew I was totally screwed.” 

“Wow. Uhm, well, it's great. I mean, congratulations guys, or whatever,” Dean was still trying come up with something not enterily stupid. “I just, wasn’t expecting this to see today, honestly.” 

“Well, I’ve already told you, Kevin Costner doesn’t live here so I dunno who you would expect. Anyway,” he turned to Sam, “see you soon Sammy boy?” 

“You bet, Gabe.”

Dean still couldn’t quite believe his own eyes as he saw the two men looking at each other longingly. For a small moment he felt a bit awkward, but mostly it reminded him Castiel and he couldn’t help but smile a bit. 

Gabriel finally said goodbye to Sam and then there were just two of them standing in the doorway, as Sam went for his night shift to the hospital. 

“Well come in, Deano,” Gabriel said when he lost Sam from sight and backed away from the door. “Your unicorn is upstairs, in his room. But I dunno, he seems troubled today. Don’t know what’s with him though.” 

Gabriel turned to walk away towards the kitchen and Dean was about to go upstairs when he stopped in his tracks. 

“Gabe?” 

“Yeah?” the smaller guy replied also stoping and turning back to face Dean. 

“May I have a question?” 

“Does it include Sam’s ass?” 

“Ehm, no.” 

“Then ask away.” 

“Is Cas, you know, like you?” 

“You mean if he’s gay?” 

“Well ... yes. Is he ... gay?” 

“Mmm-maybe. Why? Are you?” 

“Me? No. Definitely not.” 

“Right. And what if I ask if you are gay ... for my little bro?” 

“Ehm ...” 

“Thought so. If you were more transparent, you would be invisible, boy.” 

Dean’s cheeks turned slightly red. He still wasn’t prepared to accept those floods of feelings towards Castiel apparently. 

“Well, honestly, I don’t know.” Gabriel said solemnly. “Castiel has never been in relationship. Nor with woman neither with man. His only love is and always has been his guitar. You know, the whole anti-social thing. But he really is feeling something strong towards you, so please, do me a favour and go upstairs and just tell him, ok? And don’t you dare to come back down until you at least kiss him, capish?” 

“Yeah. I capish.” 

And with that Dean went upstairs practising the best “I love you” speech in his mind. When he reached Castiel’s room, he knocked silently and said: “Hey, feather boy. What’s up?” 

“Dean.” Castiel mumbled to his hands as he was cupping his face with them, elbows on the knees sitting on his bed. Dean immediately realised there was something wrong with Castiel.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is struggling musician who is suffering from tendinitis a month before big guitar contest he is supposed to attend. Dean is trying to help him overcome his fears.

Monday, three days before competition

Dean was sitting in Impala, Strider impatiently whirling under the shotgun seat next to him. „Yeah, yeah,“ Dean said petting him, „we’re going out. Just a sec.“

Dean took a deep breath a get out of the car. He knew exactly where Castiel was going to during evenings. The only place he could clear his head and think about everything that happened. The place where they have spent such a beautiful day three weeks ago. The place where the two of them have met that night in the rain. The place where it all started. It seemed almost poetic. Of course this should be the place where it all ended too.

     Dean walked over the Impala and opened the door for Strider who eagerly jump out and ran away immediately. Dean didn’t pay much attention to him since he knew he would always come back for a while. He just let him loose to be free and happy until he can. At least one of them should be. As he was waitting for Strider to come back he saw the small dark figure sitting in the distance on the cliff slightly illuminated by the moonlight.

‚He looks like an angel,‘ Dean tought.

And he sure was an angel. He was his angel. Dean knew why he was here. He knew because of who he was here. He knew he should do something about it. Maybe to talk to him, maybe to fix it. But he couldn’t make himself to take a step closer to that beautiful angelic figure. He thought about it one last time. The events that led him here. That moment, when everything went terribly wrong and he lost his angel.

Two weeks ago

            Dean stood in the doorway of Castiel’s room slightly in shock. He sure didn’t expect to find Castiel like this. He saw how desperate Castiel was and Dean didn’t want anything else just to make his pain go away. He looked like a pile of unhappiness curled on the edge of the bed. He took few steps into the room, took off his leather jacket throwing it on the bed and sat down next to the smaller man. He didn’t want to force anything. First he only asked softly:

„Cas? You ok?“

When Castiel didn’t responded, he placed a hand on the other man’s shoulder, softly, as he would expect Castiel would flinch. But he didn’t. He stayed motionlessly for a while then put his hands away from his face and turn to look at Dean. Dean saw dry strapes of former tears on his cheeks and he felt the urge to find the bastard who cause this and kill him right now just for hurting Cas. His Cas.

„Cas,“ Dean said worriedly, „what happened? Talk to me, please.“ His voice was full of desperation.

„I ... I can’t do it.“ Castiel chocked as his throat was dry from long time of crying.

„Balthazar called.“ He started. „He said he saw Raphael playing in some club and he said he is much better then he was when he saw him last time. He said, he said he was incredible. And Balthazar hates Raphael. He would’t tell anything like this if it wasn’t true. I ... I will fail. I will fail everybody who ever believed in me. I’m gonna fail myslef. I will lose and ... and all my dreams will vanish in dark ... I can’t do that.“ He started crying and whimpering again.

Dean tightened his grip on Castiel’s shoulder to force Castiel to look at him. He softly put one hand on his cheek and wiped away the tears with his thumb.

„Look me in the eyes, Castiel,“ Dean said softly. „You won’t fail. He may be good for all I know, but I know something about you he doesn’t. Your music comes from your heart. You would beat him anytime because he doesn’t live with his music, he doesn’t live trough it like you do.“

„You, you can’t know this. You, you didn’t even heard me play.“ Castiel said almost inaudibly trying to wipe out the rest of the tears.

„I don’t need to.“ Dean said lovingly. „I see it in your eyes everytime I play. You live for music, it is your everything. I believe in you, Castiel. You will do it. Not for me, not for defeating Raphael, not for anybody. You will do it for you.“

Dean leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on Castiel’s forehead. He let Castiel to lean into his arms and hold him tight until the smaller man cried himself to sleep. Then he moved him higher on the bed to more comfortable position, covered him with his leather jacket and laid next to him putting one arm over Castiel’s body protectively pressing his chest to Castiel’s back and sending himself to deapths of dreams too.

*****

Dean woke up about an hour later next to warm body lying beside him. It took him few minutes to remember what happened. When he noticed the other man calmly sleeping in his arms he smiled softly. He sat up carefully minding not to wake sleeping Castiel next to him and looked over the room. It was small room, almost no furniture in there. There was old desk table with some papers on it, wooden chair next to it and Castiel’s guitar on the holder with amp between the desk and door. There was one tiny window with blue curtains and middle sized wardrobe. Next to bed was small bedside table with lamp which sent the dim light over the room. And under the bed...

„What’s that?“ Dean mumbled to himself. There was corner of what looked like old scruffy grey box sitcking out from under the bed. Dean shifted on the bed so he would sit on the edge and pulled the box out. Then he remembered Gabriel told him about it. It had to be the box with music Castiel wrote. It was a huge box. There were hundreds and hundreds of papers. It seemed Castiel was hoarding this since he started to play the guitar – which was what, about 15 years ago? Some papers were fully written with music notes and symbols which Dean didn’t understande so he put them aside. Others were song lyrics and some were music with lyrics both. Dean was immersed in reading the lyrics to one particular song so he didn’t notice sudden movement from behind him.

„Dean?“ he heard the urge in the man’s voice behind him. „What are you doing?“

Dean was snapped back to the reality and looked over to Castiel only to see the horror and fright in his eyes.

„Dude, this is,“ Dean started but Castiel interrupted him quickly standing up from the bed.

„No no no no. Do not dude me. Do not use the word „dude“ in refrence of me ever again.“

Castiel said snatching papers from Dean’s hands and throwing them hastingly back into the box.

„Cas,“ Dean tried to say something but Castiel interrupted him again.

„Dean. You should go.“ Dean didn’t know what happened to Castiel but suddenly he seemed like totally different person. Almost like that scared desperate boy he found in the rain on the cliff two weeks ago.

„Cas, what?“ Dean tried to come closer to Castiel but Castiel was avoiding him as much as he could. He flinched every time Dean raised hand towards him and was refusing to meet his eyes.

 „Dean, go. I ... I want to be alone now. I don’t want to see you now. Actually, I think you shouldn’t come back anymore.“

Dean stood there like he was just steamed. „Come again?“

„I think, you should go, for good, Dean.“ Castiel said quietly still didn’t looking at Dean.

„Cas what happened? Is it because I looked over those stuffs of yours? It wasn’t a big deal, was it? I mean, it’s just lyrics, it’s not like I read your diary or something.“

„No Dean. It is exactly like that.“ Castiel looked him in the eyes for the first time. „It is something what came from me. It is highly personal thing. It’s my feelings, my emotions, it’s my soul on those papers and you violated it without my permission. I’m sorry Dean. I ... I just want to be alone now.“

„Ok. I’m sorry, Cas. I really am. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was just too curious I guess. Can we forget about it?“

„No Dean. I ... I don’t think you would understand. It’s not like you had something in your life that meant everything for you, that even if anything else would fade you would know this is what is worth to live for, to fight for. You don’t have anything you would truly love.“

Castiel words were like a dagger to Dean’s ears but mostly to his heart. He felt like his whole world come crashing down in those few seconds.

„You know what, Cas?“ he said trying to mask his anger and pain. „You’re right. I don’t have anything like that. I thought I found something like that two weeks ago, but I guess I was wrong. Well, thanks anyway for what you have done. Seems this is our last session. Goodbye, Castiel.“

His last words were cold and emotionless. Dean wanted more than anything else not to say it, to say instead „But I love you, you silly feathered brain.“ But he couldn’t force those words out of his mouth. He rather turned back to Castiel and walked out of the room down the stairs ignoring Gabriel who shouted at him from kitchen’s doorway how it went.

Dean got into Impala and started to drive. He didn’t know where he is going or what he will do when he will get there, he just needed to go. Farther the better. After about two hours of straight drive he pulled over getting out in the middle of nowhere. He shivered from the sudden cold breeze and realized he forgot his leather jacket in the Castiel’s bedroom. He actually left there more than just his jacket. He left there his chance for happiness. But he couldn’t take it back.

Monday, back on the cliff

            Strider came back happilly swinging his tale and barking at Dean.

„All right, good boy,“ Dean hugged him and petted him. „You needed this much, didn’t you?“ He smiled at his beloved dog.

„Right. So here we have yet one thing to do. Come boy,“ Dean said slowly heading towards the figure in the distance.

            Castiel was sitting on the cliff thinking over the events of the previous week. He felt strangely familiar with this situation. Though now it was worse. He didn’t only felt pain in his arm. He also felt pain in his heart and it was just too much to bear. Suddenly the soft sniffing sounded behind him and familiar dog appeared next to him demanding his attention. Castiel smiled softly at the sight of the dog reminding himself his master probably wouldn’t be far. He petted the dog on the head and as Strider rolled down to the ground he rubbed him on the belly.

„Still not the king, huh?“ Castiel smiled a little.

„Looks like someone started to watch television,“ husky voice sounded behind Castiel. Castiel didn’t turn around still rubbing Strider locking his gaze to the dog lying in front of him.

„Not quite,“ he said. „I’ve read the books.“

„Fair enough,“ the voice behind him said. Castiel stopped rubbing Strider who snorted unsatisfied trying to reach Castiel’s attention again. When he saw it was pointless he decided to go for a run again.

Castiel looked over the setting sun on the horizon and after a moment of silence he asked: „Why are you here, Dean?“

„You know why,“ Dean sounded behind his back. „To fix it.“

„Dean, it’s not broken,“ Castiel sighted loudly.

„Of course it is, Cas. I am the one who broke it. And I am here to clean up my mess.“ Castiel didn’t respond, didn’t turn or move at all. He was watching the sun silently. He hadn’t strenght to face Dean. To face the man he cared about so much but still couldn’t open to totally. His fears still overwhelmed him.

            Dean was standing there in silent looking on the back of Castiel sitting in front of him. So many emotions were flowing trough his body the same time. He didn’t know what to do or say first. He wanted to apologize, to say how much he cared about Castiel, part of him wanted to punch him in the face grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he realised nothing is lost yet. But mostly, mostly he wanted to say those three simple words he found so hard to pronounce.

            “Are you going to the competition on Thursday?” Dean asked silently.

“Why?” Castiel responded solemnly. “So I would make a fool of myself to Raphael’s pleasure?”

Dean felt a wave of anger hitting his body and brain. How could this guy throw away everything he loved so easily? How could he give up his dreams in the split of the second? Because of one stupid thing Dean did.

“I’m sorry,” Dean said almost inaudibly. “For what I did back there. I shouldn’t have to. I know you probably can’t forgive me. Or wont, whatever. I just want you to know I still care about you, Cas. And I think you’re doing the wrong thing. You should get there and kick all their asses. Because you can. And because you will. You just think you can’t. But you know what? Screw that. Someone very dear to me once told me you can’t change the past. That would be maybe true, but it doesn’t mean you should fuck up your future. You have the power, you have the chance to change things, to make your dreams come true. You should use it. Because you know what? There is no such thing as can’t. It’s only about the will. If you can picture it, you can do it. Also something one wise guy once told me. And I stand for it. You know, when you will be focusing on your fears, you’ll never overcome them. Focus on what you want to achieve and you achieve it. Make your choice, Castiel, it depends only on you. I will be there on Thursday watching the competition. I only hope you will be there too, receiving the price.”

            Dean made a long whistle and Strider immediately showed up again. Dean turned to go back to Impala with his dog next to him, when he stopped one last time and said over his shoulder: “I never had chance to tell you my opinion on your lyrics.” He paused for a while. “And honestly, I don’t know what to say. I would say they were awesome but that wouldn’t do them justice. They are incredible, nothing I have ever seen before. It’s a shame they’ve been hidden from the world for so long. I can only hope they will not stay hidden forever.” And with that Dean walked off letting Castiel sitting on the edge of the cliff thinking about his words.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is struggling musician who is suffering from tendinitis a month before big guitar contest he is supposed to attend. Dean is trying to help him overcome his fears.

Thursday, the day of the competition

            Castiel returned to the room. He was still thinking about leaving. He couldn’t decide if he would stay or go. He didn’t even touch his guitar. He knew it would be pointless now. He either has it in himself or not. That was all.

Castiel stopped in his tracks when he saw small paper lying on his guitar. He wasn’t away that long. He only went to bathroom. Who could put it there? ... He approached his guitar and took up the paper. It was small and scruffy, it looked like someone hastily yanked it out of some notebook. Castiel turned it over and saw a short note probably written very quickly since the words were very rough and crabbed. Castiel has read it through carefully and slowly. After he was finished, he couldn’t help but smile a bit. He finally decided what to do.

*****

            Dean was making his way towards the room he was shown. He saw Castiel leaving it and he wanted to shout at him but he disappeared too quickly. Dean was standing there helpless for a while because he knew he didn’t have that much time. He saw some girl who was probably a journalist and asked her about a piece of paper from her notebook and a pen. He took the paper hastily and quickly wrote: _‘Don’t do it for anybody, do it for yourself. This is your day, feather boy. I still believe in you. If there is something worth fithing for, this is it.’_ He took the paper, sneaked to the room, put it on Castiel’s guitar and left the room quickly.

*****

Back in the room Castiel was standing in front of his guitar looking over the note from Dean. Dean was here. Dean believed in him even when nobody else did, even when Castiel himself didn’t. Then Castiel decided. He will do it. He will do it for himself. But mostly, he will do it for Dean. Almost silent knock sounded from behind Castiel and young woman’s head appeared in the doorway. “It is time, Mr. Collins,” she said. Castiel looked at her and nodded.

*****

“What did I miss?” Gabriel asked as he approached Dean caring two beers with him.

“Oh hey, Gabe. Thanks, you’re a saviour!” Dean exclaimed as he accepted the beer from other man’s hand. “They haven’t started yet so basically you didn’t miss anything.” Gabriel nodded and sipped from his beer.

“Oh and, congratulations to that role in Supernatural,” Dean remembered. “What will you play exactly?”

“Thank you. I told you they were impressed by me.” Gabriel said grinnig wide. “I will play the Trickster, or if you prefer, Loki.”

“Well they certainly couldn’t pick better person to impersonate the God of Mischief,” a voice with peculiar accent sounded from behind them.

Both men turned and saw three people standing there. Cheeky looking well dressed man probably in Gabriel’s age with apperent high self-confidence, nice red head and small young guy in fast food uniform.

“Balthazar,” Gabriel exclaimed and gave cheeky looking narcist manly hug. “You came.”

“Of course I did. I wouldn’t miss the chance to see our little Cassie to kick Raphael’s ass.” Balthazar said amuzed and Dean realized that peculiar accent belonged to him.

Gabriel has grinned even wider and patted Balthazar on the shoulder. “I believe that would be a sight for sore eyes,” he laughed a bit.

Then he realised Dean was still standing next to him. “Oh, sorry.” He turned to Dean. “Dean, allow me to introduce you Castiel’s co-players. Our cousin, Balthazar – also pretty damn good bass player, Anna – she’s the drummer,” he said with a little wink, “and Samandriel – rhytm guitarist. But everyone calls him Alfie.”

Dean said hello to everyone and changed few words with them as he approached them. When he came to Samandriel, or Alfie, he looked him over and said: “You have quite interesting outfit there, man.”

Alfie blushed a bit and said resignedly: “I’ve just got out of work. I didn’t have time to go home to change since I didn’t want to miss the chance to see Castiel.”

Dean saw admiration in Alfie’s eyes. “Is he really that good?” Dean asked curiously.

“Castiel? Yes. He is amazing player. I am not as half as good as he is.”

Dean smiled a bit. Of course Castiel was an amazing player. He knew it all along.

“And what about that Raphael guy?” Dean asked then.

“Oh he is nasty little bitch,” Balthazar said in response.

“Balthazar!” Anna squashed him.

Balthazar glared at her a bit and rolled his eyes. “Right I forgot, you were in his band once. Well don’t tell me he isn’t annoying pain in the ass. He thinks he is a God or something. Total dick.”

Anna sighed loudly and turned to Dean. “He has his flawes, that’s true. He may be arrogant and thinks highly about himself, but he is truly amazing player.”

“Better than Cas?” Dean asked raising an eyebrow.

“They are both great. But, it’s hard to compare them. They both have their unique styles.” Anna responded.

“Anyway, old Raphi thinks he and his precious band TNT are the best rock band in the world. They act like they were freaking Metallica or something.” Balthazar rolled his eyes as he said that.

“TNT?” Dean laughed. “As in ... Raphael and teenage ninja turtles?”

Everybody bursted out into the fit of laughter. When they finally calmed down a bit Gabriel responded: “I think it was meant like that explosive. Cause they think their music is so energetic and stuff, you know.”

“I see,” Dean thought about it for a while. “But I like the ninja version better.” Everybody nodded and affirmed it with amused grins and laughes.

“And what about you? How is your band called?” Dean asked after a while.

“We never really named ourself,” Alfie responded contemplated by the thought they should maybe come up with some name.

“You know, we never really were a proper band,” Balthazar added. “It was always just jam here jam there, some improvisation sessions, nothing big.”

“Well you should do that,” Dean said decided to change that fact. “You know, when Cas will win – and he will – he will need the band to record his album with. And I think you guys would be great fit.”

Dean bit his lip as he was thinking for a while of the name and said suddenly: “You should be called ... Cas & the Believers. Cause we all believe Cas will win this though the recent events.” He smiled a bit and then he realised how slushy he sounded and added. “Or not. I mean it’s your name, so you should come up with it. Something like, I don’t know, Black Smurfs or something. Yeah yeah, Black Smurfs, that’s cool. Sounds so manly and rough.”

Gabriel glared at him in attempted to stop him from jabbering when Anna said. “You know what, I like it. I mean, Cas & the Believers. Not the Smurf name.”

Alfie and Balthazar nodded. “Yes. It has a nice ring to it.” Balthazar pointed. “Anyway, now it is just on our little Cassie, if this band will ever exist officialy.”

            Lights suddenly went off and two spotlights were directed to the stage. Castiel and Raphael came up. Castiel with his beauty PRS P22 was standing shyly almost out of the spotlight looking like he was about to faint. Dean felt sorry for him. He certainly wasn’t used to big crowds. Dean only hoped he will overcome his fears as soon as he starts play. And then there was Raphael. He looked totally snobbishly and full of himself.

Balthazar, standing next to Dean made a long whistle. “That’s pretty nice piece of guitar he has there,” he exclaimed.

“What is it?” Dean asked curiously.

“It’s Jackson Randy Rhoads Flying V. It‘s vintage piece.“

„That means ...“ Dean started.

„Yeah. It’s pretty pricey.“ Balthazar finished his sentence.

„Well,“ Dean furrowed his eyebrows. „When he has the money, why does he doing this?“

Balthazar sighted. „Basically, to humiliate Cassie. You know, those two have been kind of rivals since their college days. They’ve been attending the same music college, well, until Cas wasn’t forced to leave because of the high scholarship. They used to be in same classes and they were always competing in who’s better. Guess the old grudge doesn’t go away easily.“

“What a douche,” Dean murmured to himself.

            Competition started with two of the guys playing and singing one elected song. Raphael was playing Back in Black from AC/DC and Dean had to admit, he wasn’t bad at all. Actually, he was freaking awesome in what he was doing. Yeah, he definitely looked like he ate all wisdom of the world but he was good, you couldn’t argue about that.

And then there was Castiel. When he started to play, as Dean hoped, all fears and anxiety flowed away. He looked like he was in trance. He was totally immersed in playing and Dean couldn’t avert his eyes from him. He looked like he wasn’t playing but making magic or something. He reminded Dean Jimmy Page in his early ages. Full of energy and charisma which flew trough him like blood trough his veins. Dean felt like the time stopped and he was going to watch Castiel played for eternity. And Dean loved every single moment of it. Then suddenly, Castiel finished his performance and the crowd started chanting and whistling and screaming. Dean couldn’t help but smile wide. Castiel wasn’t even any rockstar yet and already he seemed to affect people like a charm. He definitely was rockstar for Dean!

            The second part of the competition consisted of guitar duel of the two men on the stage. And there Dean could clearly saw the grudge Balthazar was talking about previously. The duel looked like a conversation between the guitars. Or maybe, better said, a fight. Since it was visible the two of them were piercing the other with glares and were desperately trying to bring the other down. It was a long duel and very suspenseful. Dean didn’t knew very much about music theory so he couldn’t really decide who was better or worse, if any of them made some mistake or if any of them used more technical stuff. All Dean took out of this part of competition was, it probably ended in tie. At least, for him, it seemed so.

            And in the end, Castiel and Raphael were about to play some improvised guitar solos. First there was Raphael. He played clean and perfect, almost too much perfect. Dean felt like it wasn’t even human playing. He was fast and precise but it kind of felt cold. It was technical masterpiece, but it had no soul, no energy, it didn’t speak to him. Though it definitely spoke to some other people in audience since he received quite loud applause.

And then there was Castiel’s turn. Dean smiled immediately when Castiel showed up on the stage again. He was so proud on his friend. He knew he would do that and he was happy he decided to go up there in the end. Castiel started to play and Dean was again in trance. Castiel wasn’t worse from Raphael at all. He was just as good, if not better. He didn’t play so fast, but playing guitar is not a racing competition, right? But what Castiel did was playing by his heart. His solo had feelings, it had vibe, it had the story. And Dean felt every tune coming to him as various emotions making him want to laugh at one moment, cry at the other. Dean closed his eyes and let the music speak to him. It surely did. It took Dean a moment to realise Castiel wasn’t playing anymore. When Dean opened his eyes, the stage was empty again.

*****

            Castiel was in the dressing room packing up his guitar fully immersed in his toughts when door flew open loudly and Dean showed up in the doorway. He shutted the door carelessly and rushed to Castiel. Castiel didn’t even have time to react when suddenly he was in Dean’s arms in the tight firm hug.

“Oh Cas. You were freaking awesome,” he heard muffled voice from behind him. They were standing there for a while, Castiel in such a shock from sudden Dean’s movement he didn’t even hugged him back. When Dean finally loosened his grip a bit, Castiel felt free to breathe again. Dean pulled back a bit but didn’t let go of Castiel. He still held him firm by the shoulders.

“Come on, Cas. Smile a bit. You have just won, you should be celebarating now.” Dean was grinning wide at the slightly smaller man.

Castiel finally relaxed and genuinly smiled on Dean. Dean’s smile softened as he saw the other man’s happiness in those ocean blue eyes which made him felt like he could lost in them so easily.

“Cas?” Dean said almost inaudibly.

Castiel didn’t responded, just looked at Dean questioningly. Dean knew this was his chance. If he doesn’t do it now, he will probably never gather up enough courage again. If it just wasn’t that hard.

“Cas, I ... I need to tell you something. It’s just,” Dean sighed. It was even harder then he thought it would be. “I’m ... dammit. You know I’m not good with words, Cas.” Dean said apologetically.

“Then show me,” Castiel said almost inaudible locking his gaze on his shoes.

Dean swallowed hard. He knew what he had to do. He almost did it few times before so why was he so scared right now? Dean raised one of his hands from Castiel’s shoulder and put two fingers under Castiel’s chin to lift it up and to make Castiel look at him. Castiel did so and Dean could still saw that spark of happiness in his eyes. But he also saw something else there, something he couldn’t quite distinguish. Dean leaned forward a bit and stopped as he wanted to assure himself, what he’s doing is for real. He and Castiel were now just inches away, Dean already felt Castiel’s warm quicken breath on his lips. Dean smiled a little and thought: ‘What the hell. I was waitting to do this for so long. I will not back up now.’

Dean swallowed hard one more time. Then he licked his lips and quickly gazed over to Castiel’s eyes only to see them half closed already. Dean smiled a bit and leant forward, when the door flew open again and Dean quickly leaned back startled, stumbling on the cable on the floor and landing on the chair behind him. In the doorway were standing Balthazar, Anna, Alfie and Gabriel all in good mood.

“Hey there, winner boy,” Balthazar shouted grinning as he approached Castiel with bottle of champagne in his hands. “Let’s get the party started!”

Gabriel gave a suspicious look to Dean and then to Castiel, who was trying to pack his guitar again turned back to everyone so they wouldn’t see him blushing like tomato.

“We didn’t interrupt something, did we?” Gabriel asked raising an eyebrow and looked over Dean.

“Hell no. Of course not. I was just congratulating Castiel on his price,” Dean was trying to sound as convincing as possible as he was also trying to get up from the chair as smooth as possible.

“Right,” Gabriel murmured to himself.

            The group was celebrating for a while when the door flew open for the third time that night and there stood on Dean’s surprise, his boss’s nephew Ash with his mullet styled hair.

“Ash?” Dean asked genuinly surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh hey Dean. Small world, huh? Bobby says hi, by the way.” He said as he entered the room. “I would like to join the party, you know me, but I came here on business. So may I borrow our winner, for a while?”

“A what?” Dean still wasn’t able to get two plus two together. “You are a music manager, Ash?” He exclaimed clearly astonished.

“Oh sure I am. Party on the back, buisness up front,” he said as he pointed on his hair. “You may better know me by my music business nickname, Dr. Badass,” he said sending Dean his most western look.

“Ehm, not really,” Dean shook his head.

“Well nevermind. Anyway, Castiel, honey. Let’s talk a bit in private.” He said grabbing Castiel by the shoulder and dragging him out of the room.

“Don’t worry. I will give you your magic boy back in a split of a second.” he shouted, his voice traling away in the dark of the hallway outside the room.

“So, how did go that, you know ... congratulating?” Gabriel came over Dean as soon as Castiel and Ash dissapeared in the hallway.

“Ehm, what exactly do you mean?” Dean asked knitting his brows together.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Did there was any action already?”

Dean was still looking at him in blank surprise.

“Geez and they said my bro is slow-witted.” Gabriel shook his head. “Did ... you ... tell ... him ... finally?” He asked him slowly pronouncing every word with precise.

Dean glared at him a bit pissed but then resignated. “No. I didn’t. I was about to. When you guys showed up, thank you very much.” He said sarcastically.

“Oh man. I will get Oscar sooner then you will get into my bros pants,” Gabriel said to himself.

“I what?” Dean shouted in too high voice for his liking.

“Oh don’t you tell me, Deano boy, you are planning to stare at each other for the rest of eternity.”

Dean just blushed and lowered his eyes.

“But then again,” Gabriel stated. “As good as I know you two that is quite possible scenario.”

“Oh and, Balthy.” Gabriel turned towards Balthazar. “You owe me 50 bucks.” Balthazar made an annoyed look and get out his wallet.

“And don’t you look so annoyed. If you didn’t rush us to the party, there would be some more action,” he glanced over Dean, “maybe.”

Then he poked Dean between the ribs and winked at him. “Guess we’ll have to wait a bit longer than, huh?”


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is struggling musician who is suffering from tendinitis a month before big guitar contest he is supposed to attend. Dean is trying to help him overcome his fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ All rights reserved to creators of Supernatural, Led Zeppelin (big THANK YOU to Robert and Jimmy for writting such a beautiful song) and Myles Kennedy, one of my biggest music inspirations and not just for the title and the plot. ~
> 
> ~ I own nothing but my weird ideas and associations. ~

Five months later

            “You sure you’ll handle it here?” Dean asked the slender man standing in front of him.

“Sure, man. Everything will be great. You know me,” Garth waved his hand as he sipped from his milkshake.

“Yeah. That’s exactly the point. I know you,” Dean murmured to himself but decided to go anyway.

            It was one of the few free evenings Dean had since Bobby came back from his vacation decided to retire and made Dean the boss. Usually he managed to handle it quite well but now, when he least needed it all guys except Garth were sick or had day off and there were yet three cars in the garage which needed to be repaired by morning. Garth was new and Dean wasn’t quite sure he wanted to leave him here alone. He was good in what he was doing, but he was doing it his own way, which wasn’t always the best way. But Dean had more important things to do and he would lie if he said he wasn’t eagerly looking forward to this night for very long time, like a child to Christmas.

*****

            “Hey, Dean. Glad you made it!” Sam said as Dean was approaching him.

“Hey! Is everybody already here?” Dean asked hugging Sam in greeting.

“Everybody indeed. But I believe you want to see only one special person, am I right?” Gabriel’s voice appeared behind Dean and soon enough Gabriel himself showed up with his trade mark grin.

“Hey Gabe! I thought your flight from Toronto was cancelled, wasn’t it?” Dean asked surprised.

“It was, truth. But I managed to get here in time. I wouldn’t miss my little bro’s first show, would I? Plus I believe something big will happen today.” He winked at Dean.

Dean smiled sadly. “Yeah, maybe.”

It was five months from the competition. Five months he has seen Castiel for the last time for longer then few minutes. After that night Castiel and others started to work on their record almost immediately. They’ve been stucked in the studio for almost three months basically 24/7. Dean was promoted around that time so he had quite tight schedule himself, but after some time he started to miss Castiel. When Dean had a day or night off he usually hung out with Gabriel and in most of the cases also with Sam. Sam and Dean made great friends almost immediately, now laughing at the story of how they actually met. They’ve become very close, one would say they were like brothers. And Dean had to admit he kind of liked Gabriel too, though usually he pissed him off. Castiel wasn’t much for partying so even when he wasn’t at studio he was working on the stuff in his room. And Dean didn’t blame him. Sure the music was important to him and this was his chance he was waiting for all his life. So why would he throw it away. But he missed him and he couldn’t deny it. Dean often found himself thinking how it would be if he came clear with his feelings sooner. Maybe he and Castiel would be together now and they would be happy. But then again, maybe Castiel wouldn’t be working on the record because maybe he wouldn’t win the competition. Dean couldn’t know that.

            There was anyway yet one thing Dean didn’t know for sure and was afraid to admit. He didn’t know what Castiel’s feelings towards him were. Yes, Gabriel told him once Castiel felt something really strong for him. But that was then, almost half a year ago. Things have changed and no song remained the same. It seemed like Castiel was happy just with his music. Why wouldn’t he be? It was the only thing in his life which kept him going forward. And finally he could enjoy it fully. Why would he need Dean anymore? Castiel had everything he ever wanted. His music, his fulfilled dreams, his own record even his own fangirls, goddammit.

Cas & the Believers were really popular. Yeah, they kept the name, to Dean’s amusement. They managed to finish the record for three months and then they were promoting it on various randomn actions. Their album came up to top tens all over the country for less than two weeks since release and there were tons of people waiting for them everywhere they’d come.

Today they finally were about to play their first own real gig. Dean had to admit he was a bit surprised when Castiel called him and asked if he would like to come. Of course, he would freaking much love to come, but he didn’t want to sound like silly teenager so all he said was: “Yeah. Sure. I’ll see if I’ll be able to get away from work.”

*****

            So now he was here, standing next to the stage with backstage pass along with Sam and Gabriel, who’s just got back from Canada where he was shooting another episode for that Supernatural show (which Sam and Dean became a huge fans over the past few months and were meeting up reguralry to watch it together ... not that they would admit it).

            The lights went suddenly off and crowd started to scream and chanting band’s name. Dean couldn’t help but smiled. He was happy for Castiel. He was happy that Castiel could live his dream in full. And Dean helped him to achieve it. In the end, that was all he ever wanted, right? Just to help the guy in need. Help the guy who was soaking wet on that cliff when the freaking all hell broke loose. Right. That was all he wanted. Only to help him. But Dean didn’t expect he would fall for this guy.

*****

            The show was incredibly good. All band members were in the right mood and they’ve been completing each other. No one was making a big star from himself or anything like that. Everyone knew where their place was and they’ve been creating an unforgettable show. Dean was enjoying the songs he knew from the record. He never said that, not even to Sam, but he was a huge fan. He knew all of the songs by the lyrics, guitar riffs, solos and even by the drum and bass beats. He really was their number one fan.

As three of them were watching the show and were enjoying the vibes of music and energy which came not only from the stage but also from the crowd, something unexcpected happened. At least unexpected for Dean.

            “I still don’t get it,” Alfie was complaining as he was making his way from the stage to three guys standing there. “Castiel hates covers. He always says you should leave the music for their creators. So why does he insisted on playing this one?”

“Oh Alfie, my dear Alfie,” Balthazar said softly patting him on the shoulder as he made his way next to the smaller guy. “You have yet to learn much about so many things. Castiel maybe doesn’t agree with playing covers, but he feels like this is an important thing to say. And how better way you would say something to someone you really care about than by music? Castiel needs to do this because of someone special in the audience tonight. And he knows he wouldn’t do it any other way. Because music is the only thing he trully understands.”

“Oh, I can’t imagine better way of declaration then by music,” Anna sighed enthused next to them. “I would kill for someone to dedicate me such a sweet song.”

Of course they were talking about Dean who was “the special someone in the audience”, but that didn’t matter because Dean didn’t pay attention to what they were saying, not even to knowing looks Gabriel was sending his way. He was too immerged by the image of Castiel, alone on the stage, sitting on high stool with his acoustic Les Paul. His pale blue shirt and slim black trousers were moulding over Castiel’s firm muscles and drops of sweat from the heat of reflectors were streaming down his beautiful face with slight stubble. There was only one spotlight directed at him and the soft yellow light effect was illuminating him from behind which made him look like he was glowing a bit. He wasn’t saying anything to the crowd. He didn’t want to spoil the moment. He just looked them over and smiled contently. Yes, he was definitely happy. Dean could see that clearly.

*And then Castiel closed his eyes and drifted away as he started to play first tunes of the song which Dean knew very well and yet he felt like he was hearing it for the first time. Whole arena went immediately silent as Castiel started to sing. His voice was floating in the air together with vibes of tones he created with his guitar.

‘It is said music is the language of the angels.’ Dean thought to himself. And he knew at that moment, that it is true. Because Dean just found his angel. He was right there, in front of him, playing his guitar and singing only for him. It may seemed different to anybody else, it may seemed like Castiel was just singing, nothing more. But Dean felt it. Dean felt it wasn’t just any ordinary song. It was song Castiel played and sang just for him. He was thanking him for everything Dean did for him the best way he could. Trough his music.

_Little drops of rain_

_Whisper of the pain_

_Tears of loves lost in the days gone by_

_My love is strong_

_With you there is no wrong_

_Together we shall go until we die_

_My, my, my_

_Inspiration’s what you are to me_

_inspiration, look and see._

And in that moment Dean realized two things. First: Maybe he was right. Nobody is Jimmy Page except Jimmy Page. But Dean had someone better than Jimmy Page. He had Castiel. His angel. And second? That was simple and so easy to see for so long. Only Dean was blind to it, until now. His Castiel loved him. He always did and he always will be.

_And so today, my world it smiles_

_Your hand in mine, we walk the miles_

_Thanks to you it will be done_

_For you to me are the only one_

_Happiness, no more be sad_

_Happiness ... I’m glad_

_If the sun refused to shine_

_I would still be loving you_

_Mountains crumble to the sea_

_There will still be you and me._

            And Dean knew he felt the same way about Castiel. And for the first time in his life he was trully ready to open up for someone, to give him his everything, to share his love with another person in attempt to make both happy. And he wasn’t afraid to admit it. Actually, he would most likely to jump on that stage and sealed their love with a long awaited kiss. He wanted to shout how much he loves Castiel to every soul in this arena, to everyone who could hear him, to the whole world. But he didn’t, because that would be pointless. Because no one needed to know how much he loves Castiel. The only person who needed to know that was Castiel himself and that was what mattered.

*****

            The band along with Dean, Gabriel and Sam were hanging out in the dressing room after the great gig. They were in generelly good mood and were enjoying long deserved rest. Of course, not for that long.

This was just the begining of their tour. They were about to play all across the America during next few months. They’ve finally got what they’ve deserved so long. And everyone was happy. Well, maybe except Castiel. He was more relaxed than usually but he still seemed a bit stressed though. The others shared the knowing looks and started their long awaited plan.

“I’m sorry guys but I must leave for a while.” Anna said first, standing up from the couch where she was sitting. “I need to go check how rodies packed up my drums. You know I have a bit trust issues when it comes to my drums.” She smiled weakly.

“Sam, Gabe.” She turned to two of them. “You said you were going to help me, didn’t you?”

“Did we?” Gabriel furrowed his eyebrows.

“Yes, sugar. We did.” Sam poked him a bit glancing over Dean and Castiel to stress the meaning of Anna’s words.

“Oh, right. I remember now.” Gabriel said grinnig wide. “We’re on our way, Anna.” He said as he stood up and walked towards Anna who was already in the doorway.

“Have fun, gyus,” Gabe chuckled as he walked out of the room following Sam and Anna.

Suddenly Balthazar stood up too and walked over the fridge. “Bloody hell. We don’t have any champagne in here. I would use a good glass of champagne right now.” He exclaimed.

“Samandriel!” Alfie jumped a bit from the sudden high voice of Balthazar and sensation of a hand grabbing him by the shoulder and dragging him out of the room.

“Come! We’re going to find some good champagne. It must be somewhere here.” Balthazar said as he was pulling Alfie behind him.

After a while Dean and Castiel realised they were suddenly alone. They looked at each other but quickly averted their gazes as if they saw something they didn’t want to see in the other men’s face. The awkward silent deepened as Dean stood up and walked over the fridge pulling out one beer.

“You want some?” he showed the beer to Castiel.

“No thanks. Just water.” Castiel said quietly and looked down to the ground.

Dean pulled out a bottle of water and walked over to Castiel, sitting next to him on the couch.

“Thank you,” Castiel said as he took the water from Dean’s hand.

“You’re welcome,” Dean murmured opening his beer and took a long sip.

They were quiet for a while focusing on their drinks, when Castiel finally broke the silence: “So. How did you like the show?”

Dean didn’t look at Castiel as he said. “It was really great, man! I mean. You were awesome. All of you. The songs were amazing and the energy you came up with, it’s been one of the best gigs I have ever seen, dude.”

Castiel smiled a bit and said: “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean finished his beer with the last long sip and leant over Castiel to put it on the table next to the couch. Castiel seemingly tensed when Dean was suddenly so close to him and the fact he was sitting much closer even when he leant back didn’t make him much relaxed either.

“I’m really glad you used your music on that album, Cas.” Dean said softly, shifting a bit to face Castiel properly. “It would be real shame if those great lyrics stayed hidden forever.”

Castiel put away his bottle and turned back to Dean, still looking to the ground. “Which song did you like the most?” he asked.

Dean bit his lower lip and raised a hand to caress Castiel’s cheek. Castiel looked at him slowly and saw Dean smiling softly. “I liked all of them. But my favourite from this night wasn’t any of yours.”

Dean raised also second hand to cup Castiel’s cheeks as he said: “The highlight of this night was Zeppelin cover for me.”

Castiel smiled a bit. He knew Dean would like it.

“And Castiel?” Dean said half-questioningly.

Castiel closed his eyes and nodded slightly. “Yes, Dean?”

Dean felt like a child who was about to kiss someone for the first time. He felt his heart was beating loud and his pulse was fast as if he just ran marathon. He was already breathing quickly as he leant a bit closer to Castiel.

“I feel the same way,” Dean finished.

Castiel opened his eyes and locked his gaze with Dean’s. He saw Dean’s eyes were full of love and care. They were full of happiness. And Castiel knew, Dean really meant what he said.

“I love you, Cas,” Dean said as he leant even closer and closed the distance between him and Castiel. Castiel responded immediately as he leant to the soft kiss Dean placed on his lips. His hands trailled to Dean’s back and neck to assure Dean is here and not going anywhere. He parted his lips a bit to suck more air and Dean took it as the signal and slid his tongue into Castiel’s mouth. Castiel moaned a bit in pleasure as his tongue entwined with Dean’s. Dean lowered his hands to Castiel’s back as he deepened the kiss and pulled Castiel even closer to him as he held him in firm hug prolonging the moment both of them were waiting for so long. They both felt like the time has stopped and they were to be kissing forever. When they finally pulled apart Dean rested his forehead on Castiel’s and looked lovingly into his lovers eyes.

“I love you too, Dean,” Castiel said smiling happily.

“I know, Cas,” Dean responded. “I know.”

Dean smiled again and placed another soft kiss on Castiel lips, still wet and swollen from theirs first. When they pulled away Castiel rested his head on Dean’s shoulder, enjoying the momentary happiness which flew trough his veins.

            After a long time of silent savouring each other’s company Dean pulled away a bit and cupped Castiel’s cheeks again. “What you say if we go to see others now?”

Castiel nodded and smiled lovingly. He was happy now. All he wanted was to be with Dean. He didn’t care where or when. Both men stood up from their positions on the couch and walked to the door. Dean opened them and he noticed big paper with message on the other side of it. He and Castiel read it trough and Castiel blustered: “Balthazar!”

The note said: _The Believers and their friends begging you to **DON'T DISTURB IN ANY CAUSE** because we can’t handle that unbearable UST anymore. Please, for the sake of everyones sanity, leave those two in there alone!_

Dean glanced over Castiel mischievously and gave him a naughty smile: “Change of plans. What you say if we go back inside and work on our UST. For the sake of their sanity.” He winked at Castiel who reciprocated him the playful smile, took his hand and led him back to the room. The door shut slowly and no one heard about those two for a good amount of time that evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I strongly recommend to play the song in this moment so you would have nicer experience from next part ;-) (Led Zeppelin - Thank You - you can easily find it on youtube). The part written here starts at 1:06 ... Just try to imagine I dunno, Misha's throat singing instead Robert Plant's tenor :P


	10. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is struggling musician who is suffering from tendinitis a month before big guitar contest he is supposed to attend. Dean is trying to help him overcome his fears.

One year later

            Dean was lying on his side on the couch, one hand placed behind the back of the man lying next to him, the other placed on his lover’s chest together with Dean’s head as he was listening to his partner’s heartbeat. Castiel was caressing hair on the back of Dean’s head, his second hand behind his own. They were resting in the tour bus after another great show waiting while the others will come and they will hit the road again.

Dean took a month off to spend some time with Castiel since he was touring practically nonstop and when he wasn’t, he was usually in studio. Dean told himself garage will survive without him for a month. Plus he had Garth who proved himself good last time so Dean left him in the charge for now too. Jo took the Strider to her apartment while Dean was gone so he didn’t have to worry about him either. And he didn’t worry. They were somewhere in France right now but Dean didn’t care about it either. He didn’t care or worry about anything right now. He was listening to regular heartbeat of the man under him and he was content for the time being. He was with the only person he loved the most in the world. What else could he want right now?

“I heard a good joke today,” Castiel sad breaking the comfortable silence which was filling the room.

“Ok. This should be good. Go ahead, Cas,” Dean said smilling into Cas’s chest.

“Knock, knock,” Castiel started.

Dean raised an eyebrow: “Seriously, Cas?”

“Just go with it,” Castiel demanded.

Dean sighed a bit and nodded: “Ok than.”

“Knock, knock,” Castiel repeated.

“Who’s there?” Dean answered mechanically.

“Doctor.” Castiel responded.

“Doctor who?” Dean finished and was waiting for an answer but nothing came. He furrowed his eyebrows as he felt Castiel chuckling. And then Dean understood it and started to laugh too.

“You got me there!” he punched Castiel playfully in the chest.

“I see you did your homework.”

“One does not have much to do in the bus anyway, so usually we’re watching TV,” Castiel explained.

Dean sat up and looked over Castiel with solemn look on his face. “I’m glad I can be here with you, Cas.” he said looking into the other man’s eyes.

Castiel smiled and sat up too. “I’m glad too.” he smiled. “I’m happy when you’re with me.”

There was a moment of silence as both men embraced the other and then Castiel broke it again.

“You know, if you asked me a year and half ago what is most important to me, I would say music without a blink of an eye. I loved music. It was my everything, my world. And I still love it. But now, now you are my worold, Dean Winchester. You are my everything. If you ask me now, I would change the music for you every time you ask, without any hesitation. I love you, Dean.”

Dean felt one solitary tear dropping from his eye and he leant back to look into Castiel’s eyes. After a moment of silent scrutinizing his lover’s look Dean said almost inaudibly: “Marry me, Cas.”

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows a bit and then said: “But ... I’m not a woman.”

The look of blank surprise appeared on Dean’s face. “Say what again?”

“Last time you asked me to marry you, you said and I quote: ‘I swear, if you were a woman, I would marry you right away.’”

Dean started to understand what Castiel was talking about and when he looked at him he saw him grinning wide in amusment. “Oh you cheeky monkey! You have learnt the secrets of sarcasm too well.”

Castiel smiled a bit and cupped Dean’s cheek with one hand. “I had a great teacher,” he smiled lovingly.

Dean placed a soft closed mouth kiss on the other man’s lips, Castiel’s slight stubble tickling him a bit. “I love you the way you are. I wouldn’t change anything about you, Cas.”

“You sure? Because I would swear your hair could be a bit longer.” Castiel said laughing a bit remembering the second part of that conversation long time ago.

“Dammit, Cas!” Dean exclaimed. “You’re spoiling the moment.”

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Castiel said with the best puppy eyes he managed to do.

“You have learnt a thing or two from Sammy too, huh?” Dean laughed.

Castiel just shrugged his shoulders and smiled innocently.

Dean cupped his cheeks and looked into his eyes to savour the moment. “I ment it, Cas. I would not change anything about you.” he paused a bit, “well, except this one little thing.”

Castiel knitted his brows together. “What is it, Dean?”

Dean smiled mischievously and said: “You surname.”

            Castiel didn’t hesitate a moment and pulled Dean into a passionate long kiss. He kissed Dean hard on the mouth causing Dean to fall on his back on top of the couch. Dean leant into the kiss, his hands trailing all over Castiel’s firm back. When Castiel finally pulled away for some air Dean followed his lips for a while in attempt to prolong the pleasure they gave him just seconds ago. He opened his eyes still panting heavily and saw Castiel on top of hi smiling mischieviously.

“Should I take that as Yes?” Dean asked raising an eyebrow.

Castiel kissed him again, now slower and more lovingly. And Deal felt like a teenager again. Jolt of electricity came up his spine every time he and Castiel kissed or touched, or every time Castiel just looked or smiled at him. And this kiss wasn’t any different. Their every kiss felt as beautiful as it was their first and was as insistent as it was their last. He loved his angel and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.

            Castiel’s and Dean’s lips parted again and Castiel said, eyes still closed, lips only inches from Dean’s, still feeling his hot slightly quickened breath on his. “I would love to marry you, Dean Winchester.”

With that said Castiel sat up again pulling Dean with him and hugging him tightly.

“Let’s do it right now,” Castiel murmured into Dean’s shoulder. “I want to be with you, forever, Dean.”

Dean smiled and caressed Castiel’s nape. “You know Sam and Gabe would kill us if we do it without them.”

Castiel leant back to look into Dean’s eyes again. He saw they were full of amusment though Dean didn’t laugh.

“What is it?” Castiel asked. “What are you thinking of?”

Dean smiled slightly and responded: “Oh, just your brother as a bridesmaid in pink dress with big bow on his ass.”

Castiel laughed heartily. “Please. Don’t you tell him.” he said begging. “He is capable of doing it.”

Dean smiled lovingly on his love. “I know. And I don’t care if he does. Because the day of our wedding will be the most perfect day of my life no matter what. And I don’t mind waiting for it. I was waiting half a year to kiss you. I can wait a little longer to seal our love definitely.”

Now it was Castiel’s turn to let the tears stream down his face. “I love you, Dean.”

Dean wiped away the lost tear from Castiel’s cheek with his thumb and said softly. “I love you too, Castiel.”

Then he leant forward and placed a soft kiss on Castiel’s lips. When they pulled away Dean hugged the smaller man tightly and they’ve stayed like that yet a very long time.

            And they were happy. Bacause they had all they ever wanted. They had each other. Someone to love and someone to care about. Someone who made them happy and who was happy with the other. They’ve found their companion, their true love, their soul mate. And they knew it was enough to make them happy forever.


End file.
